Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Crossdreaming and Transphobia

I recently have been having a conversation with someone questions continue to center around my sexual arousal to feminization, when it diminished, and is it because in becoming female I have over saturated my fetish. This is the thought process of a cross dreamer.

What I find so upsetting about cross dreamer rhetoric is how transphobic and disingenuous it is to suggest that all transgender issues can be boiled down to fetish. I have absolutely nothing against people who find feminization sexually exciting. The problem is there is a growing and vocal group of individuals who are quite committed to the idea that there is no possible other reason that someone would feel urges to be a gender other than the one they were given at birth.

These individuals, who mostly identify as straight, cisgender males who just happen to get rocks off fantasizing about being women, think transgender people, such as myself, are just confused about our sexual fantasies and are taking this fetish of ours, feminization, to an extreme level.

This is as offensive and ass-backwards as gays who might say transwomen just can't accept they are gay so they try to be feminine to cope mentally and feminists who might accuse transwomen of being caricatures of women and really just working for patriarchal agendas.

I have no problem with people being sexually attracted to the fantasy of being feminized. I have no problem with people partaking in feminization practices like cross dressing. I have a huge problem with people making transphobic comments into seemingly legitimate "thought-provoking" psychology today inspired articles that demonize alternative gender identities and sexuality.

I've been trying really hard to keep quiet on this topic but for whatever reason the community that my blog is a little star in the cosmos of has an ever-increasing need to be transphobic and overly apologetic to cross dreamers. Where is this imaginary witch-hunt on cross dreamers happening? What I see is feminization caption sites swarming with captioners and readers who make statements and requests that include:

“I’d totally take the genie’s offer, but only if I could be a real woman.”

“I’m not really into that shemale stuff...”

“I like your captions, but I’d rather not see a chick with a dick, ya know?”

“I'm very sorry to say that "Memory Lane" is too close to TG for me to include on the site. I don't want to be in the position where people send me lots of stories of a subject I don't understand.”

Those are transphobic statements. You’d need a calculator to tally up how many transphobic comments have been made on community sites like Rachel’s Haven, Feeling Femme Forum, the wonderfully dead TF-Media, and the other forums that weren’t important enough for me to mention. Yawn.

That last one was from where my original version of Memory Lane was rejected because of a long time ban on transgender content on the website. You’re probably asking what most people ask me when they hear about ban on TG content. “Wait a minute: don’t they have a transformation section?”

Yes they do. You see, the webmaster is purporting to understand everything about every story that he accepts on So he understands being transformed into a dog, and he understands white girl’s being transformed into Asian girls (such as a now not-entirely recent story from Lisa Teez) but he does not, evidentially, understand transformation from female to male. That is the enigma that defeats

The community itself is deeply polluted with it. I hope this clears up, if even a little, why I find it so difficult to stay in one of these sites for long. Too much straight white privilege doing everything they can to convince themselves they aren’t like tranny on the block. 


  1. MC Stories dropped all TG stuff a long time ago - I never understood why, unless he doesn't like transgendered stories (probable) or felt like it was a big area on it's own and didn't want it to overwhelm his hypnosis fantasies (not as likely).

    I think that there is a distinction between telling someone that a particular fetish or fantasy isn't their cup of tea, and telling someone "I wish you wouldn't do captions on that." The former is normal and natural, no big deal. I do balloon and infantilization captions from time to time, and know that those don't appeal to everyone. But the latter is infringing on what I want to do as an erotic storyteller.

    That said, this blog is no longer primarily about erotic fiction or getting off - it is more of a lifestyle/diary blog. I think people who come here expecting to get off to every post you make are kind of missing the point.

  2. I wish mcstories had tg on it. my two things could be combined. I get your comments. I have kept you in my prayers sweetie. Stay strong and keep living a dream some of us know we can't make happen for reasons personal and real.


  3. Thanks Betty and Lady Alexia, I appreciate your comments. I'd like to see mcstories having tg content too, and it looks like they are inching towards it. Changeme has written stories that have been accepted with outright feminization. The catch 22 seems to be they still refer to the character as male in the end. A boi, not a girl. That further emphasizes the transphobic mentality of mcstories.

    To clarify, I'm really proud of the captioners that do work in this community. I think this community is a wellspring of creativity and ingenuity and there is a cooperative nature and a willingness to congratulate each other and reward each other that is to be respected.

    My problems with a noticeable transphobic tone that much of the community has is not to be mistaken for a lack of respect for their work. In fact, it is their lack of respect in my right to be alive or to even be recognized and celebrated as a real thing and not a confused person carried away on a fetish is what I am trying to encourage with this blog post.

  4. Well it is certainly discouraging when any member of this community from timid cross-dressers like myself, down to more corouages t-girls like yourself are diminished or minimized. Any attempt to create a caption or other work should be celebrated or at the very least not attacked.

  5. If I am misunderstanding your comments, please let me know Betty. That said, I agree that no one should feel creatively stunted in a community of based on artistic expression.

    If people want to fantasize about going from 100% male to 100% female that is no problem, I did that too many times. The focus of my blog is that many of those people who exclusively enjoy 100% female transformations have expressed being offended when trans models are used in captions on the same sites they are on. That is, in my opinion, totally inappropriate and discriminatory. No one should feel their work is not welcome because their tastes differ than yours. While I may be misusing the term, it seems ironic that a community interested in males turning into females would be so openly against the reality of it.

    That is my point.

  6. Everyone is entitled to having personal taste and in places like Rachel's Haven when people have voiced preferences I have tried to work within them. But it is frustrating when people make those kind of remarks. Seriously what the fuck is a 100% girl to begin with?

    I was surprised when I would see people make transphobic remarks in those spaces. Especially when some of those spaces have site space dedicated to transitioning.

    What really did it for me was a moderator on one site being supportive when I announced that I was going to transition but then mentioning specifically that she's a "real girl". My mind went, "What the hell does that make me? Fake?"

    Honestly, most of the reason why I haven't made any captions in about a year is that my interests have changed almost completely. I just can't will myself to write in the style I used to. But that one comment from above has stuck in my mind.


  7. Nods - i think we are on the same page. It's one thing to seek out captions and erotica that suits ones taste -it's another for someone to suggest, however gently, that you should do something else. That is partially why I haven't ended up participating in message boards or Rachel's Haven, because I feel like my work stands for itself.

    I do like T-Girls although it's not a regular theme for my captions. I think I have a hard time finding proper models - or models that suit me, depending on what sort of stories I make. I could go on about the sorts of faces that all participants in erotica would make, but that would be too long a discussion - giggles. Suffice it to say I prefer smiles to glares, in general.

  8. Orva you fabulous, thanks for sharing! Even when someone thinks they are an ally it is possible to make remarks marginalize. I know I'm guilty of it without thinking sometimes. The hope is we learn.

    Betty, thanks for touching on a subject I shall blog about next! You full of awesome!

  9. I am wondering why you focus on the crossdreamer term. It is relatively new and that community is still settling. There has been discussion by a small number of folks who are pushing the fetish theory very hard, but they seem to be being told off. I just hate to see a term floated and embraced initially by folks who are not in the fetish theory camp lose it's intended meaning because of a few bad apples.

    Crossdreaming to my knowledge does not in any way mean that being transgender is a fetish, there just happen to be fetish theory folks operating in the crossdreaming space. Crossdreaming was intended as a term for folk who have trans feelings but feel that medical intervention or other physical expression of their feelings was not appropriate for them. Folks in that category have generally not been welcome to discuss their feeling in trans identified spaces. It is not all just what gets you off, as the fetish theory folks say, it is about how you feel in a variety of ways.

    This is the problem within the larger community... always someone trying to say the other guy is just a pervert, so everyone ends up with strange stilted discussions and scrolling through reams of fiction and captions to find the few things that match their experience or desires alone.

  10. i agree with you hon i run in to alot of "progressive" people that are just haters whatever happened to the concept of just following your bliss being the way it should be

    i like you blog hon now i can read up on you i have missed you


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