Saturday, August 17, 2013

Frustrations with Fetlife

"What do you expect, this is the internet."

That phrase gets tossed around a lot to justify the abhorrent behaviour of people in arguments. I guess we just come to accept that people seem to default to being horrible human beings when they get in front of a keyboard, but, really, no. No. Not even. Fuck that.

Fuck a generation of people who forget they are people sitting at a desk making comments to other people sitting at their desks. How many of us have been in positions where we disagree with something, decide to point it out, and then are voraciously attacked by someone else. Yay forums, right?

There are some feelings that we are likely all familiar with. Tightness in chest, shortness of breathe. Feelings of helplessness and stress. These feelings are amplified when the other person decides to block you, or worse still, when the people attacking you are mods.

I've been making an effort lately to avoid internet drama posts. I'd honestly rather focus on happy things and the positive moves I'm making in my transition, the sex I'm having, et al. This is just going to be a little cathartic, so please indulge me.

Ask a Trans Person a Question. A Fetlife group that already existed under a different name. A group that wasn't needed but hey double the questions double the answers, so who cares, right? I've been doing this transition thing for awhile and I like to participate in the topics pretty frequently. Sometimes a few people can scrape on my nerves but for the most part its all fine.

The other day I ended up in an argument with the mods, though, and I found myself being treated very unfairly. 

I'll link the thread I created to sum it up here:

I'll be honest, at this point I'm just venting. I really dislike that they feel its alright to make unfounded accusations against me without giving any proof, including suggesting that people are secretly whispering to the mods over my personality. Honestly, what the fuck is that even about? What a horrible thing for me to believe, thinking people are so disturbed by me that they have to run to the cops. Why would you spread something like that to the group without giving any indication at all of what they complained about? I own my shit, but show me the sentences I wrote that caused such heart ache for people in a group where people share about hormones.

If you read the thread, you'll notice that I'm calmly explaining my position on the subject, and others are agreeing, but every instance of someone who doesn't agree includes personal attacks against my character or in some other way devalues me in an effort to end the discussion.

A few cases of this are boiling down everything I am as an attention seeking drama queen. That's really the softest method because the mods themselves attacked my personality, made wild accusations and assertions and once again closed the thread so the last words read were defamation of my character.

That's how the mods in that group work. They are alluding to people speaking to the mods about me, but I have never heard that and they won't cite any example at all of that happening. They reference conversations in PM that didn't occur anything like they describe, suggest I misgendered people without pointing it out, and suggest that I was being all manner of rude to them. None of which is supported by anything I had written on the subject. Basically, she's a witch but we aren't going to prove it. How republican.

So I really hope it makes people wonder, if I'm being calm and they are throwing mud... who is telling the truth?

I'm sure it all reads as a completely normal day for the internet. Even still, this isn't a faceless internet blob, these are specific and shitty people sitting in their chairs trying to make another girl sitting in her chair cry.

UPDATE: Mod refused to provide any proof at all and said many people had been pleading for them to ban me and Mod was defending me. Completely insane. I've been banned for no cause since they provided no proof of their allegations. Oh well, fuck them. Just a creepy bizarro version of reality.


  1. I'm on under stacirenea out of Columbus, Ohio//

    You don't have to tell me anything:))

    I can share stories with you n then we can laugh n then cry

  2. Don't waste your time with them if they're being this unfair to you. You're too good for them. Just enjoy your day and be happy with all the good changes you're going through and the fun times you're having :).

    Miss our chats :) ....cheers



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