Bubblepop's Electric Thoughts

Stealing Mei

2012-01-23T00:12:00.001-05:00

The other day I came online to a flood of messages, concerned about my blog. It was missing. I was digitally kidnapped. Thanks to all of the many people who warned me of this.

This isn't the sexy kind of abduction.

After investigating the situation a little more it seems like there was unusual activity on my account, so I did the things you'd normally do, and now I'm backing up my blog locally.

It broke my heart

The idea that I would have lost my blog was very powerful. I almost offed myself. I felt like.. in all that is happening to me in my life, and all that isn't happening fast enough or with certainty, my blog is how I can express myself, so even if I never get the ten thousand ish I need for my surgeries and I never survive to have the body in the bath that I need so badly, then at least I was being myself here, online, if nowhere else.

If I ever get the money to have my surgeries, I'll be earning money filming this.

Carving Reality

2012-01-08T18:05:00.003-05:00

I've reached out to three of the more famous Doctor's in Thailand who perform feminization surgeries on ladyboys. I expect a response shortly and I hope the results are favourable.

My lawyer pointed out that Thailand is a much more affordable option, and if the safety worry that North American propaganda places on international medicine is a factor, having the surgery filmed as part of a documentary certainly offsets that.

My Brother reaffirmed what I've heard before; Thailand is world reknown for their cosmetic medicine.

Doctor's in Canada and the United States that I have met with have given me quotes of upwards of 25 thousand dollars for breast, waist, and face changes.

I have many accounts from trans women who went to Thailand that those changes AND MORE combine to less than 10 thousand dollars.

Pair that with the chance to rehabilitate in paradise and be in a land where I feel like my soul hails from makes this an exciting time for me.

I feel like, being poor and having not even a penny saved, it is important for me to set a date and prepare my schedule now. I have chosen the ressurection of someone important to me to be the same date of my resurrection.

I wish upon a star that I will somehow find the about 10 thousand dollars I need to become the ladyboy I was destined to be. It has been a frustrating place to be in knowing that I have to have the money to do the surgeries, before I can truly create the content that will earn many times that number afterwards.

If this were a simple business matter it would be an exciting venture for Men to invest in. Buy the ladyboy's body and you will see your investment pay a healthy return in her sexual creativity.

My blog already has a presence, it isn't like suddenly what I'm good at no longer has economic potential because it is real. The potential increases.

It is time to begin whoring, though, to earn the money. I'll go back and beg my Dad for money but I have no faith he will help me. None of my friends or family are able to help me, and I cannot even help myself because all my money goes to my daugther.

It is also interesting how now that I'm picking a date the opinions of my friend's have changed. I get blasted with the worry, have you thought about this long enough, maybe you should wait, I just want you to make the right decision, I'm just worried about you doing this alone.

I am alone, what difference does it make? I want the people, friends and family alike who project their worry on me to vanish from my life. Maybe when I go to Thailand I will stay there, and let Bangkok swallow me up.

I just want to be me. Why do I have to fight so hard?

For the first time ever, I'm going to show you my before pictures. I have worried that they would simply distract from the essence of who I am, but I want to show you again, in order to wish out the universe that this IS going to happen. This is me now. On my rebirth, March 26 2012, whether I have to beg or whore my way through, I will I have my fucking surgeries.

Ask Mei: that was quick!

2012-01-06T21:00:00.004-05:00

oh Wow I get some more questions to answer! I like this game. ^_^

Do you have any friends online you talk to who also have blogger? and if so who have your similar sexual interests???

Many times many actually! You can find their blog links on the bottom right side under Blogs I Follow. That number increases as time goes by.

Do we have similar interests? I think we, for the most part, are united by trans ideas. Many are cross dreamers who revel in the fantastical powers of tg captions. Others are front line ladyboy soldiers like me who are planting our trans seeds so we can grow like flowers.

Each and every blogger in the community, be they creative or chronicling, slutty or chaste, activist or hiding, dreamer or trans, each is important. I dislike the lines that are drawn between us.

Sexually, which I now realize is what you asked... I'd say for the most part yes. There are some Queens who differ in some ways, such as the all-powerful Goddess Simone but many are soft and pliable like me. I have noticed a startling trend among our kind, that we maybe have a taste for big gorgeous black men. That is not to say that all men aren't gorgeous, but you can see the trend without much digging.

If you found a magic lamp and a genie appears and can grant you 3 wishes, what would they be?

That is a fun question! I have so much difficulty choosing favourite music, movies, colours, men. There are just so many flavours to consume it will never end!

1. I would wish upon a genie true that I could be a ladyboy like my soul demands, a ladyboy, Asian through and through. I do not require being a woman, it is not my way. I am a fabulous ladyboy and that is, from my perspective, just perfect, right, natural, and he doesn't tell you but your boyfriend likes me better this way.

Number the two!

2. I wish to be exceedingly wealthy, sure blame me for going cliche. But I have responsibles to my baby daughter, to her Mother, and to my family anyway. Let's be fair, I crave to have shoes and bling and Sex in the City enviable wardrobe! But despite my carnal fashionisms it is my family that must be safe financially most of all.

I come from poor, happy ghetto fab, but it makes it tricky now. I need a lot of money to get my body so I don't go crazy, but I have no way of how... I wish upon shooting stars a man will come and save me, but there is no shining knight it is just the bling on my wrist that I have.

Thrice wish!

3. I'm fabulous and I wish the world to know. I have a good blog, I have years experience in media, yet it is tough to break in and without even a penny left after paycheck my tv shows and the writers who rely on me are collecting dust.

The world doesn't even know how amazing what we've written is, and that breaks my heart. Sometimes I think about just doing a web comic just so you can read the stories, they are so good, but alas I don't even know how to draw art.

So I wish that I had the influence in media, the respect to get my work produced. From my porn, my documentary, my tv shows, my graphic novels, and all the works of those who work with me... I wish we would have that success.

I'm curious as to why Asian? Why would you transition from being a white male to an Asian female?

Oh I forgot this question would come up, so settled in the idea I already am. Yes if you've seen pics of me I'm not born Asian, why then do I feel compelled to have surgeries to look that way?

I... I don't know.. it is one of those things that is difficult to explain. It is as difficult and complicated as being trans and trying to explain that you were born in the wrong body.

I think sometimes perhaps it is a past life thing, perhaps my Soul is stamped Made in China? I do not know, but when my counsellor suggested that I should accept I cannot be I was not delighted.

I cannot. I'm sorry if we as a society are more accepting of transgender (isn't that funny that I would even write that...) than we are of transracial, but.. I really just can't give up. I feel it as true as anything else, when I look in the mirror, girl it is tough!

A friend photoshopped my face just slightly to include my eyes the way I feel they ought to be. I didn't need tons of plastic surgery or airbrushing, I just needed my eyes to look properly... it felt as congruent as having breasts and wearing a dress and it is equally important.

I believe you will see that there are many more like me, and worth exploring.

For instance I met another like me in person! What a coincidence the plastic surgeon said! He has only met two, and now we both live near to each other and she feels the same and I was so delighted. It is very good to realize there are others out there, and she had the surgeries on eyes just like I want! It is possible, I will have it and I will feel so much better wow I type a lot...

If anyone has any theories on that, formpsring them to me.

Ask Mei

2012-01-05T00:49:00.003-05:00

Wow formspring is really neat! I've already had a few questions and I'm happy to answer!

If you could make one person fall in love with you, who would it be?

Myself. Aww no seriously, I met Bradley Cooper and I totally ran away when he invited me to his hotel room. I would repeat the process, but this time I'd make him fall under my mei spell. Having more self-confidence means getting laid by Bradley Cooper.

Do you flirt with cab drivers, offering 'service' for free rides?

I flirt with EVERYONE; the Tim Horton's girl, the old Asian lady at the variety store, the taxi drive sharing his story about being a Baby Daddy to eleven different children! I flirt with everyone, but it rarely goes beyond a smile and a ray of sunshine in a day.

How was your threesome?

I didn't have it yet. I haven't felt right about having sex when I've been living with the woman I built a baby with. I spoke to her tonight and told her that I honestly, truly cannot repress my instincts to mate with males any longer. I need men to fuck me and I am going crazy quickly. She will sleep in another bedroom but we are still friends and family, just not a couple and we both need to accept that.

When did you realize you were sexually attracted to men?

Very good question. I remember having strong instincts towards several males when I was much too young, so let's not talk about that. I will simply leave it at very young. Instead let's look at the more practical reasoning.

When I was in grade 7 I had a hard time. I was in the gym class and all the boys mocked me for having a girl body and breasts. Then they got all the girls together and chanted in a parade up and down the village I lived in "Jeremy has breasts! Jeremy has breasts!" That freaked me out so I shrunk and hid. Whatever ladyboy I would have become earlier was squashed by that and a single parent stress family and I went into hiding.

I found the internet. I had a 286, dial-up from York University my Mom paid 10 bucks for and after BBS'ing my friend, who is now a cop, introduced me to mIRC. Because I'm as girly as I am, the moment I stepped into internet chat rooms I was swarmed by male attention. I liked it. I liked how men talked to me and were persuasive and how very sexy their presence could be. I found males sexually attractive for their personalities and power before their puberty taught me their pheromones were heroin.

I'm glad to answer your questions and it often gives me direction on what to share. Please do keep prying.

Sparkles and rainbows,

mei

Shemale Propaganda

2012-01-03T21:22:00.005-05:00

I had the urge to create a series of more colourful captions. I intend to make more but they take more time photoshopping than my previous endeavours. You can see the entire gallery on my imagefap profile.

Fairy Tales

2011-12-30T13:37:00.003-05:00

While we're supporting fabulous things, check out the following video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV3VRzFtZYA

"I know exactly what I want and who I want to be." Marina and the Diamonds.

It brings the subject of fairy tales to mind and I love some of the fairy tale characters and find them very worthy to emulate in sexy photo shoots!

I was always drawn towards the villainess, their motives were often more honest and seemed something I can relate to rather than the heroine's perspective. Maleficient, the Evil Queen, Azula, they were flawed and human and desparate to clutch to whatever they had. They felt envy, my capital sin, and they had their thirsts for lust and wrath, the other sins I most competently practice.

Snow White and the Huntsman is going to be epic.

Ironically aside from their diva qualities and emotional instability, they bare little resemblance to me when it comes to the bedroom. I seriously doubt Maleficent gets uber submissive when she has her panties taken off and her legs lifted up as I do.

Holy crap I just typed "ladyboy sorceress" into google images and got my own caption! The internet knows all! Bow before me and let me consume your sex! I am someday become the personification of the scarlet woman wuahahahaha! Tremble as you give me your seed!

Mako Pictures

2011-12-29T14:51:00.003-05:00

I was pointed towards these fun TG movies by a dear friend.

Mako Pictures are great efforts and you can see the improvements in quality and acting in each subsequent venture. I think it is immensely important to support these sorts of ventures as they are few and far between.

My personal favourite is The Black Rabbit, for obvious reasons I will now cite.

A spy sort of guy finds his wife captured and he wakes up in a dark creepy room. He is transformed into an Asian woman and given a new mission. Of course in true TG fantasy tradition he goes through a number of stages:

1. Confusion. Omg what did you do to me? Bitch gets angry.

2. Engrish. Oh nos you made my brain change so I can't speak English!

3. Wow this body feels so much better than my male body. Also: flowers are nice.

4. Men are yummy, what was I thinking liking girls? I am a girl so I have to be hetero, natch.

While yes, they are cross dreamer fictions and they don't specifically relate to or support being transgender, I think it is worth supporting, especially given how many of us enjoy TG fiction.

Racing Stripes

2011-12-29T13:56:00.002-05:00

I decided to finally get with the new technology and add some popular features to my blog. The picture below illustrates where you can find my new question period thingy Formspring and if you like a post you might like some of the other blog posts listed right below!

Can I get a picture to show y'all what I mean?

Damn skippy.

Coming Out to Daddy

2011-12-10T21:11:00.002-05:00

My Dad knows now, and that was pretty scary. I was over at his place last Sunday with my Brother and we were unable to tell him. Oh, didn't I mention: my Brother came out as gay last week. Fascinating, isn't it?

So after leaving his place on Sunday my Brother calls him and outs us both over the phone. Not ideal, but the bandaid needed removing. It doesn't matter, he loves us, is what he said.

We met him earlier this week to talk and discuss more and it was awkward but he is being supportive. He wants to help, and I explained my financial situation. He says he has contacts who would pay for me. I was shocked. It wasn't a maybe, he has rich business partners who will buy my body. The catch it that they have to like me. I hope I am likable.

I have a hard time understanding why anyone would help me financially. My Dad says I don't understand how much money people have and how willing they are to help improve special people's lives.

I hope they see how special I am, and agree with the goals I have set out before me as mentioned all over this slutty blog.

Sex Stories

2011-11-25T11:36:00.000-05:00

I've always really enjoyed reading erotica. My first forays into sexuality and sexual imagination were on mcstories.com and surrounded mind control.

While the Erotic Mind Control Story Archive has taken a transphobic approach regarding content, I continue to visit because there are a lot of yummy stories there.

I have written a few stories myself. They are designed to be short snapshots of a situation that may have an earlier beginning or a later end. I have no plans to continue these stories, but they certainly are open enough to be continued.

I enjoy turning out, as I've said before, so these stories deal with the changing of a person's sexuality by a more persuasive person. A concept I find delicious.

I am including the links to the stories from Nifty's story archive. I feel Nifty's site is one of the more inclusive erotica sites out there and I want to support that. Sadly it is text without style sheet.

Mei and Mrs. Brown

Memory Lane

Suki and the Baroness

I'm Going Through Changes

2011-11-24T12:38:00.000-05:00

The Almighty Estrogen is having its way with me at an alarming and unexpected rate.

To confirm: I take two pumps of Estrogel in the morning, along with 200mg Spironolactone.

A tube of Estrogel lasts one month. I finished my first and so let's discuss One month results using pictures of the my truest heroes, the utterly fabulous Jessica Fox.

I typically pump onto each inner thigh and rub in, but I have begun alternating with my abdomen as well because as the season changes, dry skin must be avoided.

My face is fuller, rounder, softer features. I have a significant reduction in growth time for facial hair. I was told Estrogen does not have an effect on facial hair growth. I am surprised. I am being told how I look different, but people cannot place it. Those who know can tell outright my face has softened.

Body hair in other places has also had a significant reduction in regrowth and is sporadically not regrowing in areas, for example the arms. Leg hair has almost entirely given up growing at all. Luckily I keep smooth otherwise I'd look quite odd. While I have been doing laser hair removal, I have not done anywhere except the Brazilian/bikini area so this is Estrogen and Spiro talking.

The hair on my head has thickened, become silkier, and is growing at a faster rate. Okay seriously what is going on here? We've all read countless articles stating Queen E won't affect facial hair or the hair on your head. I have a blood test this week so we shall see what is up, but I like to think I'm soaking up hormones like flowers do sunshine because it is my destiny.

The pores of my skin have reduced, my complexion is even smoother, and my skin softer. I am not yet susceptible to heat and cold, as far as I can tell.

People smell different. I find myself.. catching a masculine scent in the air that seems quite noticeable but I ask others and nobody notices. Maybe it is in my head...

My itsy bitsy spider doesn't run up any water spouts now. She is very difficult to get hard despite lovely and overwhelming arousal and she is just lazy omg. I have to work so hard to keep her hard. This is all in the interest of science of course! Ladies and Gentlemen, I can assure you:I don't pitch I catch.

The moment I'm sure you've all been waiting for, which is why I left it until now... Mama Mei's nipples are WAY sensitive. Like ow easily and Ooh la la even easier! Also, my cleavage is deeper. This is, as far as I have read, unusual for one month into the big E.

Thanks Jessica Fox for being fabulous and helping me with this Estrogen update.

Plastic Plans

2011-11-23T22:47:00.003-05:00

I had an amazing time with the Doctor on Tuesday. They were kind and patient and embraced my uniqueness. They are excited to work with me, and they are excited to be a part of my documentary.

The Doctor helped me understand the various methods and options I have available for plastic surgery and feminization and together we prioritized a plan.

I was very pleased with their honest praise regarding parts of me that did not require modification, my nose as one example, and I am uplifted by the plan we have.

Five hours of surgery on one day and I'll be living full time. That isn't to say I won't want additional procedures later, but this will put me in a position to flip the switch and be the ladyboy I am, in public.

Brow lift, breast implants, lipo and a tummy tuck, and injections in my chin, cheeks, and lips will be the procedures that take place in that day.

Males have lower brows than females, and so in order to capitalize on my Asian looking eyes and have a more feminine face that does not make putting on eye shadow both a chore and a waste, a brow lift will happen. Five tiny incisions at my hair line on my forehead will pave the way for the endoscopic procedure. Endoscopic surgery is that terrifying snake tube with the camera on it.

Biodegradable anchors will be placed on the front of my skull and the brow will be lifted and hinged onto the anchors like we might hang a coat. The healing process finds the anchors vanishing after the flesh has re-adhered to the skull.

Because my skin is tight, 40D breasts are not an option immediately. The Doctor would do a healthy C cup for me right away, but he believes the Becker method will be a better choice. Becker implants are inflatable.

330ml of saline/silicon implants are installed. A small tube is under the skin at the arm pit and is used to inject additional liquid into the implant every few days or weeks. This process allows the skin time to gracefully expand until the full 550ml D cup breasts I want are achieved.

Liposuction is straight forward. In order to avoid the lumpiness of regaining weight we used to hear about in the 90s and early 2000s, Doctors now criss cross a latticework to evenly remove fat.

The tummy tuck is what is really special. An expensive procedure on it's own, the tummy tuck will be the forerunner for giving a feminine shape. The abdominal muscles are cut in the center and in beneath, in addition to a tuck in and south, the muscles are stitched together in a tighter fashion on the sides, which pulls the flanks inwards and provides the shapeliness of the hourglass.

The injections to cheek, lips, and chin add fullness and, in the case of the chin, fills in the cleft.

The total for these procedures will be $23000 CDN after taxes. Financing is available, but who knows if I qualify. Still, I feel uplifted by the prospect of being lady fabulous close at hand.

I do want to have hip and buttocks enhancement, but the Doctor said that doing a turn in the middle of surgery makes things more complicated and costs a lot more. I will return for those procedures afterwards as they do not prevent me from living full time and they, above all others, hormones will affect.

Plus he says my bum is already good.

I am so very Lucky

2011-11-22T12:02:00.002-05:00

As I progress with estrogen and anti androgens, and get the chance to dress more frequently, to acquire the clothes and shoes and accessories I desire, to express myself with the hairstyles and makeup that I feel represent me, I find myself increasingly happy.

I'm in a miserable relationship, trapped in a place with no privacy, drowned with two jobs just to pay off my partner's credit card debt. I have zero savings and without financing my documentary cannot be produced. Yet I am still making the right choice.

Perhaps I'm not living as myself every day yet, but I am so very very lucky to be a ladyboy, shemale, transwoman, t-girl, sissy, etc. I am so very lucky to be me.

I have read from many t-girls that they wish they could stop, that they could be what society expects them to be, but they can't. I can't either. We R who We R. I heart Ke$ha.

I don't feel that way. I never have. Regardless of how bad things may get, I am blessed, not cursed, to be third gender, katoey, newhalf. Shemale. Proud.

I made a few captions to illustrate the point. Gallery found here.

Consulting Plastic

2011-11-21T10:22:00.000-05:00

Nov 22 I have a consultation with another plastic surgeon I met at the Everything to do with Sex show.

Previously I had met a plastic surgeon who had suggested a number of procedures for my face that would total 30 000.

This new Doctor said he wouldnt' touch a lot of my face, and instead we'd focus on brow and jaw. That sounds more financially reasonable.

In addition he said it is likely he could do face and body in one day, he will do 6-7 hours of surgery at a time.

I'm very excited, despite the cost, because he has financing options available and, most importantly, he seems more interested in my documentary, which ought to give me a bargaining chip.

Results

2011-11-20T09:32:00.000-05:00

My life became so hectic after Halloween that I really hadn't had a chance to sit down and contemplate what happened and explain to you.

I went dressed as Rainbow Brite to the Bovine Sex Club on Halloween with my friends. It was fun, I danced so much my legs hurt for an entire week. I've never felt so free to dance before.

We ordered cosmopolitans, and since we were in a rock club we got dirty looks from the bartenders every time we did, but they were joking and super nice.

I had women coming out of the crowd to get my attention and congratulate me on my costume. Three times the women were then spooked to realize I was a ladyboy.

Despite the compliments I did not receive much attention from boys. It would be easy for me to feel lower self esteem but honestly it wasn't about me. I got tons of positive looks, I would catch them staring at my legs and checking me out, but they never made their moves.

Then I realized, boys are cowards. They suffer from overwhelming peer pressure. Men don't huge, they don't wear certain colours, they don't use words like fabulous and they don't pursue any potentially homoerotic situations while surrounded by their rock and roll buddies.

I had guys approach me and then as soon as they realized I was a ladyboy they honestly jaw-dropped and backed away.

Next time I'll skip the rock and roll, and just go straight to the shemale sex club, Goodhandy's.

It surprises me that boys will let a tiny little thing between my legs keep them from a good time.

Shemale Dick Patrol

2011-11-19T08:22:00.004-05:00

Miss Anonymous asks:

I want to get a dildo with a suction cup for training purposes. I have been using skinny broom sticks for practice. They are about 3/4" wide. I can get about 7 or almost 8" in without too much discomfort. What length and width and color should I get? Is there anything else I need to know about buying a dildo, except not to have a nervous breakdown at the adult bookstore when I am standing at the counter asking for what I want?

That's a great question. When I was at the Everything to do with Sex show, this was exactly what we discussed.

I recommend a cyberskin dong, they look and feel realistic. When you store it, cover it in corn starch powder and keep it in a separate bag than your other toys.

You'll be standing there whimpering, trying to decide dark and white meat. In my experience, the sales girls love watching the dilemma unfold and, again in my experience, they are amused when you bring a gorgeous black toy to cash with a blush.

I'm also a fan of balls. I want to feel them press against me as I take Mr. Toy deep.

You can also get vibrating options in some of the dongs, with different speeds or, in the case of my friend who I am so jealous of... intermittent and random buzzing pulses.

Don't be a hero and get a mammoth dong your first time out. These 6-7 inches look incredible.

Have fun with the experience: the fear, the shame, the choices, the positive salesgirls, and the outcome.

Everything to do with Sex

2011-10-21T23:36:00.002-04:00

I'm going to the Everything to do with Sex show tomorrow with my sistas and we're going in in fabulous fashionable style!

I really enjoyed my experience a few years ago and look forward to walking around as myself finally and getting some positive attention.

Ideally I'd like to go unnoticed, ghost, but if that doesn't happen I'll settle for flirting over fighting.

I very likely will pick up some bed sheets, something frilly, and something that goes vrrrrrrmmmmmm.

BBC demands Reblog!

2011-10-20T22:08:00.000-04:00

After visiting Josie T-Girl.

Halloween Brite

2011-10-20T16:57:00.001-04:00

I picked up my Halloween costume from the post office today. Friday I'm going to a Burlesque show in Toronto and will be looking to practice my booty shake.

Run my ass.

Nicole Scherzinger

2011-10-19T21:40:00.002-04:00

I totally heart Nicole Scherzinger. Pussycat Dolls are fabulous, but as if that wasn't enough her solo album is amaaaazing!

So I'ma show some love for my girl Nicole Scherzinger aka "The Other Nicki"

Me like the way that you hold my body

Me like the way that you touch my body

Me like the way that you kiss my yeah yeah yeah yeah me like it

Me like the way that he put it on me

Me like the way that he push up on me

Me like the way that he goin' down down down down down

So go 'head, punish me,

If that's your fantasy,

Don't need to say it

Baby, I know you mean it.

Only just like that,

And make them eyes roll back,

Come write a murder act, let me read it.

Well, Imma rip my clothes off

Take a leap and surf through the crowd

Yeah, yeah

Drippin' down my neck

Soakin' wet

Sink or swim or you drown

Yeah, yeah

Let's get a little wet

I like the way you’re workin’ me out

Estrogel

2011-10-14T23:37:00.002-04:00

I picked up my estrogel prescription and have taken my first dose. Two squirts of the clear gel onto inner thighs and then a rub in is all it takes. It is cool to the touch and dries in 2 minutes and doesn't have any strong smell or sensation.

Easy breezy beautiful future girl.

Additionally my Doctor told me to take two spiro pills daily as well, doubling my anti androgen dosage.

I'm well on my way so smooth and femmy fantastic.

Limp and loving it

2011-10-13T16:13:00.001-04:00

Hormones have won the battle and I am waving my flag proudly. My little princess is limp and quite happy.

She makes such tingly cummies now that she doesn't get hard and nestles easily into my panties to make the cutest bulges.

There are a lot of people who have ideas about what they like in a shemale sex partner. Do you like us hung and hard, or limp and tiny?

What do you think about a castrated ladyboy, does that excite you?

Smittyverse

2011-10-12T16:17:00.000-04:00

I've been really lucky to be included as one of Smitty's recurring characters.

He's created such an exciting personification of some of my personality traits and I quite like being the villain at times as well. He's helped spread my mei-isms and he's helped promote my blog.

Thank you Smitty for including me.

Everyone take a look at me! I mean take a look at Smitty's blog so you can see me! ... And other great captions he does! I even have my own tag on his blog.

http://smittysimon.blogspot.com/search/label/Mei

3Some

2011-10-10T21:06:00.002-04:00

I was invited into a threesome. My friend and I were squealing about how her ex boyfriend wants to bang my ladyboy pie. He plans on fucking both of us but I really wonder if he will be up to the task. We are insatiable.

She is really excited to watch him fuck me, it seems. He is really excited to bang us but also to watch us make out and 69 while he fucks us.

I'm really excited to have both of us on our knees staring up at him as he loses himself and cums his strength away.

Will he have the stamina to last beyond the obsessive cock worship the pair of us will give him?

Domestic

2011-09-25T01:03:00.005-04:00

I was talking with a coworker and complimented her on a particularly domestic thing she did. She was not impressed.

Domestic tasks are so demonized in many people that the very notion that they would ever do something domestic is appalling. We all do domestic chores in our daily lives though and it isn't something that we should ignore or hide.

Having a creative way of table setting or a coordinated living room is not something I'd be ashamed to take credit for.

Captions!

2011-09-12T20:27:00.002-04:00

I used to make captions. I do from time to time, but lately I haven't had the bandwidth in my day to do so. I like being creative and if I don't have outlets to express myself creatively I go into depression. That and sex. Need that too or I go into depression.

I expect as the season changes and progress remains on pace towards estrogen, this winter will be a difficult one for me. I will try to rely on sex and creativity to carry me through, as my trusty virtues always have in the past.

I've actually made a lot of captions, so I'm going to slowly reveal some in between updates on my life. Sometimes I'll have something to say along the theme, other times not.

I always love hearing what you think. If anyone can help me set up formspring I'd appreciate it. Maybe the hypnosis is getting to me, I have trouble focusing on html and technological language lately.

Throbbing

2011-09-09T09:53:00.002-04:00

Feels good to have something inside, minutes of boipussy joy trumps hours of ridiculous stroking.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

2011-09-08T16:15:00.003-04:00

I feel calm, docile, at ease when I'm dressed properly. Everything just relaxes into syrup and pours over the world like gentle rain.

I went to see my friends and catch a movie, but before we went we tried on all the stuff I had purchased recently from Le Chateau (read: Mecca).

It is so fun to try on outfits with my sistas, showing off, modeling, and inevitably I stare at myself in the mirror.

My friends laughed at me, constantly staring at myself in the mirror. I'm really vain, totally in awe of myself when I'm dressed.

Do you also find you are more vain than women? I don't mean anything by it, I just drift off and turn and pose and stare at myself in my outfits. It is only when a black finger turns my chin towards a gaze that I snap back to attention, but without supervision my focus returns to the mirror.

Doctors Orders

2011-08-30T20:42:00.002-04:00

I have had my first Doctor's appointment since beginning Spironolactone three weeks ago and it was interesting. My usual Doctor is away on vacation, and in his stead is a young, tall, gay Doctor who is doing co-op hours I think. He's eager and going extra miles that most Doctors wouldn't.

He was new to me, so he asked a lot of the usual introduction questions. The appointment ended up being about my sexuality, sexual experiences, blood tests for the hormone levels and potassium levels, and Doctor's orders...

He told me I need to go get fucked by men. It is difficult to go and get fucked by all the men in the universe when my boobs are fake and I'm not living full-time fabulous yet, but it is very difficult not to have boyfriends and sex since I need it so much.

The Doctor suggests that I try having sex even just dressed and do it lots so I am making an informed decision when jumping into hormones, orchiectomy, and face lifts and such.

Who will help me with my Doctor's orders? LoL.

Bye Bye Bananas

2011-08-28T10:28:00.003-04:00

I tried to blog this a few times earlier in the month but my home life situation has become really busy with house guests. Not a great way to find dildo time, let me tell you!

I've been on Spironolactone for three weeks now and while I think most of this is in my head, I do notice some changes. Of course I am peeing more. I also feel more tired at the end of the day, though that could be due to having a 9-5 boycage day job.

My princess doesn't get hard as easily anymore, which I am pleased about. She can still get hard and have orgasms, but most of the time I just diddle and don't make cummies anyways, I just like the flirting with people and sexy mind.

The biggest change is that I feel more docile. I feel more pleasant, everyone is noticing me smiling more, seeming more happy, I'm slower to anger, slower to worry, and I don't even get road rage ^_^.

The thing with Spironolactone is that you must be careful about Potassium intake. It is a Potassium sparing diuretic, meaning it pees out all the vitamins and minerals and waste and stuff, but it doesn't pee out Potassium.

That doesn't seem like a big deal at first, but for someone like me who loves a big banana in my mouth, it can be dangerous. I'm having a banana twice a week now, and pending blood work, I will step it up to once every three days, then two days. I want to be safe but I gotta have big yellow in my mouth!

Laser by Compassion

2011-08-06T10:51:00.000-04:00

I had my first laser hair removal session yesterday at an Asian spa. I just feel safer confiding in other Asians, go figure. The woman is quite kind to me, as are her associates. I've made a point of telling people I meet up front that I'm trans. While I may not look the part yet, I have no desire to keep this secret from new contacts. I have enough existing contacts that do not know yet.

The procedure was very straight forward. I shave the area three days earlier, in this case my Brazilian and bikini regions, and then she slathers me up with gel, puts eye covers on me, and zaps the follicles.

There wasn't much pain at all. It felt like tiny needles, very similar to acupuncture. The moments of discomfort were brief and there was no aching or redness afterwards. I am very pale and redness happens every time I shave.

I bought more units, and we talked about my documentary briefly. We can discuss that further later, I didn't want to get into at the moment with her, but she is kind and in 15 days I will shave my entire lower body and go back for another treatment.

I think this is going to be an effective and affordable way of tackling this issue. I will begin anti androgens this week, which will also help, but the lady said that because I have not been shaving these areas for much of my life as vigorously as genetic females do, the hair will be less difficult to eliminate. I shall be smooth and pale forever, wuahahahaha!

If you have questions about laser hair removal, I will attempt to answer them. Also I forgot to mention on my last blog post but thank you SO much for the kindess you've shown me and my friend. Her situation is incurable but Doctor's say she may be able to live for many years before experiencing any symptoms.

Cosmetic Conferences

2011-08-05T22:33:00.003-04:00

I had a pretty great opportunity to go to a lecture a renown US Doctor in the Feminization field was putting on. It was a good time to ask some questions, meet some others like me, some who had had some great work done, and also to see a power point presentation showing lots of before and after shots of trans women he had worked on.

I'm really encouraged by the experience. The price tag aside, it confirms my feelings about what is possible and how fabulous I will be. It is also interesting to learn what aspects a Doctor sees within me already that can be enhanced, and what parts need work that I hadn't anticipated.

It appears my eyes are already very Asian, but I was pleasantly surprised to meet someone like me, who feels they were meant to be Asian as well, and we had a nice conversation. The Doctor helped her achieve a more Asian heritage look and she and I are pleased. He says he has never met any others aside from she and I who feel this urge.

I also found it fascinating that many individuals, including the aforementioned Asian inspired new half, wanted to have work done so they could more easily straddle the gender line and pass as male or female when required.

I know a lot of people have strong feelings about cosmetic surgery and the pressure society places on genetic and non genetic females to look pleasing and adhere to standards of beauty. Without denial, I think there needs to be more understanding for those non genetic females who do not come out of the box looking feminine. There were girls at the lecture last night that did not require any work to look more beautiful than 99.9% of woman ALREADY.

What really matters though, and what I look forward to, is passing. I want to look like a woman so I can express my creativity and fashion. It is the imagination of the individual that decides whether others will find them attractive or not. I do not mean "eye of the beholder" I mean inception. Showbiz doesn't end on broadway, and if you want to be perceived a certain way you must take appropriate action.

Business, Illness, and Shoes

2011-07-31T23:24:00.004-04:00

I hazard to say it: it has been awhile.

I've been a good little worker bee in my boy cage. It isn't a horrible job. In fact I like the problem solving nature of it. I'm in a safe place and I'm starting to see who I can trust and who I can't. I'm also beginning to give hints to the potential allies and a yummy boy.

When it rains it pours. A freelance writing job fell in my lap, a radio show for a particularly famous and gorgeous black musician and businessman. Then another one prompted for a radio show. So I'm bringing in pretty decent cash on the side, all going into my corporation for my lady fabulous documentary.

It is really hard when you're in the sadness to see how things will improve. I couldn't have called this, but things are beginning to improve.

I've got an old lady car now, comfy Buick. Its getting me around and my social is improving. Just in time since my friend has been diagnosed with lymphoma. This is my black bff who was the first person I told and the first person to give me pretty little sissy orgasms through my boipussy. I don't know what to do... I feel like all I can offer is sex sometimes, and that doesn't help here.

Oh yes, I also have fabulous shoes. They fit and I feel great in them.

So how's that for a whirlwind?

Shemale Webcomic

2011-07-02T10:17:00.002-04:00

On the subject of TG art, I've got two friends who separately want to make a web comic with me featuring some lady fabulosity. Quite right!

One is a serious comic book sort of stuff, and the other is a pulp fiction sex fetish romp. In both cases we want a simple and sexy style that doesn't overwork the artist and doesn't roll eyes with the enormity of dicks and tits... unless the scene calls for it.

They are solid ideas, and I'd like to make a serious go of them, but I'll need an artist! There isn't any money involved but credit goes where credit is due and so interested artists leave a comment and let's do this thang!

Thanks to Yaya Han for illustrating my point today.

TG Art

2011-07-01T17:00:00.004-04:00

I think its great that there is so much art online to help us visualize fantasies we otherwise couldn't without the help of Industrial Light and Magic.

Even better it is nice to see transgender art out there. The interesting thing is the TG art that is being drawn isn't really something most transwomen can relate to! It really shouldn't be much of a surprise that a large percentage of transwomen find it unpleasant to do the "pitching" in a sexual relationship. Many of us would rather die than put our thingy in someone's thingy. Many of us seek SRS/GRS to change our penis into a vagina, and sadly a great number of us will do damage to our peniseseses before we get to that point.

Why then does TG art almost entirely depict transwomen as being enormously endowed? Not only would that be enough to send many transwomen into depression, but the TG art also has transwomen taking macho, masculine, and aggressive sexual positions with practically everyone, including their own Amazonian selves.

I'm not saying make less of this, heck if this is what people want, make it. I'm just surprised that there isn't more TG art that flatters the desires of transwomen. I identify as third sex, not female, so I won't be getting SRS/GRS but that doesn't mean I can look at some of this art and relate easily. I may be able to envision myself being a wicked ninja lady, but once the godzilla cock is visible, my suspension of disbelief is removed.

What I'm saying is we need more! I would love to see TG art that flatters the hearts and minds of transwomen. I would frankly love to see me in art form, lol.

I will say that I get a sort of ironic pride in that transwomen and genetic women now share a gripe where our rolemodels in comics and art largely do not represent our hopes and aspirations.

Wonder Woman, meet whatever the heck this is below.

Car Wash Killed my Car

2011-06-28T19:57:00.002-04:00

So I've been away for awhile. Things are not good. I'm exhausted from a new job, being kept from even typing to people by an abusive partner, and completely cut off from my counseling, doctor, and any friend i would visit en femme because the car I bought was destroyed one hour after I purchased it by Esso's car wash.

A malfunction in the machine happened when my family was in the car halfway through, and the car I just bought was totaled. Best part, ever? Esso is avoiding liability, illegally refusing to provide their insurance information, and generally making a tragic financial mess of my even further.

I haven't felt sexy, not that it matters anymore. Here are some pics of how I could have been if I washed the car myself instead of paying Esso to break my car with my baby inside.

Fantasy Dating

2011-06-04T21:05:00.004-04:00

Did you know I was an international jewel thief looking for a wealthy Baron to marry for his money? News to me too!

I found this really cute website, Cloud Girlfriend. A completely fake dating experience. Lolwut?

So basically dating site profiles are considered nonsense, and this is an honest kind of nonsense. You create a profile rich with wild and ridiculous fantasy, and date other fake profiles for fun and sex sport!

So maybe the rich Baron never finds me because you've created a profile of a hot action cop and arrest my heart with the click of your dirty little mouse! I think this is especially useful to those of you looking for an alternative gender experience to satiate some digital urges, n'est pas?

The images used are the irrepressibly creative Yaya Han. She quickly has become one of my greatest heroes. I wish to do what she does.

Working Girl

2011-06-01T10:49:00.004-04:00

As much as it pains me, I've accepted a boring job and I start on Monday. It isn't what I want at all, but it is steady money coming in while I work towards my goals of documentary, sci fi tv shows, and lady fabulous rainbow porn.

I call the job my boy cage.

It will be safe to transition when i do, although a workplace transition is never easy. I'm more frustrated by the loss of time to be myself, online or in person. My home life has completely shut down any privacy I have, evidenced by the slowing of blog posts. Now I will suffer with a long commute to and fro, and eight hours of not even being allowed to check my cell phone.

At least I'll have enough money to survive.

I think about what it will be like once I am transitioned. Will I really have to work in an office? Is that so bad when you have fashion at your disposal? Cute heels, pencil skirt, the right top, will the grey of the cubicles be counteracted by the vibrancy of my rainbow mei power?

Unfortunately it seems we may find out. Transitioning in the work place is not something I wanted to do. I've talked to people whose entire office was gathered into a conference room to discuss the subject of you. They have a video, they are lectured about sensitivity and oppression and then sent out into the cubicle forest. Not only will that be humiliating, it could also breed contempt. It may not, but it could.

I just want to do what I am good at (read:fashionable porn star). How is this too much to ask for?

To support my ladyboy metamorphosis and ascent to Fashionable Shemale Pornstar who fucks her members, please donate. The button is on the right of the blog.

Donating Mei

2011-05-25T11:23:00.008-04:00

I've struggled with this for awhile. I work hard to make things happen on my own but in order to achieve my dreams I need funding. I want to be self sufficient, but I want to be lady fabulous more. I'm reaching out to those who have enjoyed me so far, and look forward to enjoying me in high definition in the future.

I'm ambitious and I am committed to being the sexual diva I present myself as here. I want my time spent with fashion and filming sex and documentaries. The goal is to go full time lady fabulous and launch an adult website.

Donating helps me make this come true. Just because I love metaphors, consider it as an opportunity to be part of a rebirth. Your support will directly go to rebuilding me into the ladyboy joy you have heard from on this blog and in the community for years.

If you want to a more detailed breakdown about how your contribution will be used via documentary and body changes, or if you have any questions or concerns or just want to talk, email me.

My friend Jinx made some fakes of me.
I want to be me everyday, online isn't enough.

So please help the cause by clicking the donate button on the side bar of my blog. ---->

I'm so proud to be a digital slut for all of you. I want to continue to express myself sexually online, but I want to be the star of my own captions and videos.

Financing Ladyboys

2011-05-22T12:02:00.000-04:00

In Canada production companies just pretend to be wealthy. In truth they live off of tax credits, which my documentary is ineligible for because this is transgender content. Because they can't get tax credits, no production company in Canada will touch me.

There are US and international options, and we are looking into it, but the most likely situation is that I will have to raise the budget for the documentary and produce it myself, hopefully with a commitement and license fee of a distributor.

I have been doing some light filming for my documentary, interviewing friends, family, and trans-support professionals. Bad news then comes: I have to self finance the documentary. Great.

Just because my life is apparently too easy, there is more: As the "subject" of this documentary, I am not "allowed" to earn a salary, receive residual profits, and (best part) I have to pay for every single cent of my transformation without help.

I'll figure it out, somehow.

Jealousy

2011-05-21T12:57:00.000-04:00

I'm tired of being envious of others, tgirls or women. I'm tired of feeling like Superman's villainess, trapped in mirror in space.

I want to be full time Mei. I have too much weight on my shoulders and I feel weaker each day.

I have so much pushing against me, where is the roflcopter to carry me to lady fabulous?

Anti Androgens

2011-05-19T23:49:00.002-04:00

I got my prescription for anti androgens this week. I'll be taking Spironolactone, an anti androgen that doesn't block testosterone, it blocks the *effects* of testosterone. Also it a diuretic, so I will be a lot. Spiro is used as a blood pressure medication, so I'll feel calmer too perhaps lol.

It feels good to know I am moving forwards, but it is frustrating that I should, wisely, wait until partly through this probationary period for a new job before going deep into HRT and emotional lala land.

My Doctor tells me it isn't a chaotic time, the emotions are not random, it just means if I am taking estrogen and I have life challenges, I will be more susceptible to emotional outbursts due to them.

Darlin' have I got life challenges...

Game of Thrones

2011-05-01T12:47:00.002-04:00

I really like HBO content. I'd like my shows to be on HBO someday, and I believe they will be. For now, Game of Thrones is fantastic, filled with hot boys, and has a delicate balance of fantasy, fighting, and fucking.

I am particularly drawn to a character I did not think I would like at all. Daenerys. I am finding myself fantasizing of being in her position, but also empathizing with her plight. There is a wonderful balance of sexuality and submission here, especially since you can really feel the cold, the grit, the trap Daenerys is in.

I often fantasize and roleplay about being a trophy to be gifted to a king. I daydream of being a political chess piece, given at a party of wealth to ensure big business has its way.

I deserve to be pampered, bathed in milk, tended to by servants. I am not a dominant. I deserve it because it is my purpose to be pleasure. A Queen in a Game of Thrones does not necessarily begin her journey as a matriarch of will and way.

“I would let his whole tribe fuck you. All 40000 men and their horses too if that’s what it took.”

-Viserys

Colour Pressures

2011-04-29T22:55:00.003-04:00

In the 1900s boys wore pink and girls wore blue. Now babies are swaddled in the opposite. A few years ago it was fashionable for men to wear "Salmon" now it isn't.

I'm feminine and so sociologically, when I'm presenting as myself, it makes complete sense. See my entire blog, lol. When I get colourful stars tattooed low on my pale pelvis, no one will think that is weird, but if I did so before I was full-time lady fabulous, they'd stone me.

I was with my business partner at a mall kiosk for cell phone and tablet device designs that you can stick on them. I was looking through the Samsung Galaxy styles while the salesgirl and I flirted heavily. I flirt a lot. It means nothing.

I found one I liked and told the the salesgirl so, to which she asked, "Do you want people to think you're Gay?"

I pushed the stack of designs into her hands and left her shocked and jaw dropped with, "Well I'm transgender, does that help you?"

Hypnotic Facets

2011-04-28T08:09:00.000-04:00

Omg Mei shut up about hypnosis already! We know you love having whispers in your brain, making happy little thoughts breezes blowing thoughts away. Well too bad I wanna talk about it! I really like it yum. I like hypnosis almost as much as I like to take it in the bum!

I find that between those of us who yearn for hypnosis we are drawn to different things. It isn't fair to say that we all have the same inklings.

I know there are those who find hypnotic dominatrix mp3s dial up the humiliation and feminization fantasies some people have. Or bimbofication can help you lighten your mind and become plastic pretty.

There are those who like the physical responses hypnotic power can bring. Cumming by the keyword or being frozen in place offers a unique sort of bondage those kin crave.

I've written captions that include personality changes, memories toyed with, ages regressed, new personalities created and loyalties changed. They are all delicious ideas, but not what draws me to hypnosis.

The simplicity of relaxation is what I enjoy in hypnosis. The relaxing, mental massaging, pampering way it soothes me and prepares me in the same way a spa day may. That is not to say I do not enjoy some of the other facets at times, but I think this more relaxing interest in hypnosis is sometimes forgotten with all the other facets on the line.

Nicki Minaj

2011-04-27T08:09:00.000-04:00

We should all worship Nicki Minaj! I really adore her... seriously! I don't think I've ever been treated to a more dynamic rapper, ever. She has the ability to go from gruff and masculine to sweet and feminine, from smart to vapid and back again in a stanza.

Haters gonna hate on Nicki's style, like she's copying Gaga but making it black for awhile. Truth is she's just expressing herself, and since when was colourful theatre a Gaga trademark? I for one will soak up all her words and do just what she says. Consider me a sycophant eager to be her personal assistant.

Haters gonna hate on Nicki's style, like she's copying Gaga but making it black for awhile. Truth is she's just expressing herself, and since when was colourful theatre a Gaga trademark?

I for one will soak up all her words and do just what she says. Consider me a sycophant eager to be her personal assistant. Nicki Minaj is such a Goddess and it always feels sorta like coming home to do what Ebony say.

In my porn I want to splash colour across each of your screens. Nicky Minaj inspired frothing bubblegum pink getting slut fucked till I cream. I'll have lots of yummy fantasies brought to life in video and stills. And I hope that the TG community will like to use me in their captions, it gives me such a thrill.

I'll set my rainbow raygun sights on getting lots of you off. You'll know you got hit, aside from your instant need to fuck, is by the sound it makes. lulululululululululu!

Birthday Shemale

2011-04-26T12:43:00.003-04:00

So its my birthday and I learned from http://abnormalperversions.blogspot.com/ that Kimber James and Bubblepop Mei share a birthday!

I wonder what that means for us? Well I collected some info on how to understand Mei and Kimber in matters of sex! Check here and here for source info.

Taurus shemale is one appealing package, full of surprises and fun. She can be so sexually appealing that it will become difficult for her partner to keep up with her. She loves foreplay and it will go on and on and on. In private, the cow is an intense partner, and one quite happy to have sensual encounters go on all night long.

Taurus loves to create a perfect mood of love making by making an atmospshere of fantasy, creativity, seduction and play. Sex as a release from the more practical aspects of life is often all that she wants. Her partner should always be co‐operative and full of enthusiasm.

Taurus shemale knows where to find pleasure, as enjoyment is a key word to her intimate life. She adores such things as good food and drinks and erotic massage. Keep in mind that Taurus shemale is very demanding and you will need a good deal of sexual potential to satisfy her. You may start with stroking her breasts and kissing her neck, and pleasing her body with scented massage oils, lingering over the foreplay.

However common it may sound, Taurus likes sex. And who doesn't? The thing is that many people use it to relieve from stress, to prove their power or just like a part of love play. You can never say the same for Taurus shemale. She enjoys sex, she adores sex and she can't live without sex. From the early age she knows the best of sensual pleasure. Don't forget that Taurus is very sensitive to fragrances, but sometimes she may shock you with her preferences for the natural scent of body fluids. If you wish to have additional stimulation, don't be afraid to suggest her the idea and she will be eager to fulfill your desires.

So Happy Birthday to Kimber James and to Bubblepop Mei!

A Geekier Shade of Mei

2011-04-26T01:50:00.003-04:00

Apparently it surprises a great many people that I have somewhat geeky interests. Aside from the fashion, cooking, interior decorating, media ambitions, and wall to wall technicolour nymphomania, I enjoy some hobbies that evidently are unexpected.

I like video games. I play them from time to time, with my big headphones on.. of course thats usually sexy music and hypno files I'm soaking in as I play. I also have a nasty habit of chatting to a dozen boys while I fight evil, or good, whichever.. regardless I tend to hold up my team by flirting and making dates.

My brother's birthday gift to me is Star Wars: The Old Republic when it comes out. I'll be jetpacking around as the most colour coordinated bounty hunter in between gangbang film shoots and orgies.

I even like video games enough that I went to a convention once. Awesome, right? I want to cosplay, but I don't watch anime enough. I thought if I did cosplay I'd love to go as some of my heroes from youth.

Baroness was such a great character. From GI JOE silly! Pew pew, I've got all sorts of guns. I like the sexy bad girl look, and having been a recurring villain in some people's stories, I quite think I can pull it off and be a vicious cock-tease and all around unattainable con girlfriend. Sorry fanboys, I like rich guys.

Jem is adventure, and I like to have some! I'd always pretend not to completely adore this 80s cartoon but when nobody was looking I'd be watching, my braincells sizzling with rhythm and fireworks. I bet there aren't many Jem's at a convention.

Of course I've not just played video games and gone to conventions. I read comic books... sometimes. I plan on doing lots of photo shoots and porn stuff. Would you like to see an Asian ladyboy Supergirl get fucky long time by Braniac and his tentacle robots?

What's worse than all that? I used to play DnD and I still play World of Darkness. There isn't as much sex as I would like, but I am drowning in creativity 24/7 and need more outlets!

So that's a taste of ladyboy nerd out!

Doctors and Documentaries

2011-04-22T12:02:00.005-04:00

I came out to one of my business partners last night. It always takes time to sink in, but he took it extremely well. He even asked if he could share it with his new wife. Absolutely! I think she already knows, honestly. She saw me dressed and natural before since this is the guy whose house I went to for Halloween, the first time I dressed up and my friend fingered me into squeals while the party went on.

He's the man with the five thousand dollar camera, so he said he'll be at every appointment to film it for my documentary. I'm going to put together my pitch and approach production companies shortly.

I felt the urgency to tell him because I'm going to be beginning anti androgens next month. I met my Doctor this week and he says that I have two more appointments before I get started on HRT. My blood work is fine, my health level is fine. He did a physical and saw my boobies and my lolipop and they are all fine. In fact he told me I'll do well with breast augmentation since I already have breasts, the skin can stretch more than with a flat chested person.

So in two weeks I'll meet for the big 'ol informed consent OMG HORMONES DO THIS AND THAT appointment. Following that, I sign and get the prescription! Yay!

Additionally, I spoke to him about doing surgeries before HRT has had two years to take effect and he said that was completely fine. Further, he said that the procedures I'm looking at doing: facial feminization sugery and breast, hip/buttocks augmentation are all procedures that will not have much impact from HRT. A pleasant surprise.

He even mentioned a local cosmetic surgeon who does free consultations. I will try to get that on camera as well and get info on the process. I am confident this guy will want to be on film.

So things are progressing. My Doctor says I'll be on anti-androgens for at least a month before we begin the big E. After a few months of anti androgens I'll go back and begin my laser hair removal. Now that I have my business partner with me, I'm certain I can get the laser hair removal for free and have it on camera.

Happy Easter!

Sensory Massage

2011-04-21T08:05:00.000-04:00

It is no secret I plan on doing porn once I go full-time. Sex work is a common reality for many gurls. Sometimes it is necessity, sometimes it is based on nymphomania and interest.

For my part, I find sensual massage very appealing. It would allow me to ensure the client is showered, by showering with s/he and use my hands to caress and relax them towards a very happy ending.

It reverses the payment plan as well. Sex becomes extra, with the massage/happy ending being the basic. The onus is on the client to pay extra to push his hard cock inside my lubed up boipussy instead of that being the goal and other add-ons like D/s stuff being extra.

Stress is such a horrible thing in our world today, and it is something I have suffered with a long time. I'd like to help my clients relax. My interest in hypnosis, meditation, yoga, and mindfullness programs makes me well suited to easing a man or woman's worries.

The environment will be peaceful, with a trickling foundation, soft binaural sounds to soothe, warm fresh towels, and hot oil. Doesn't it all sound so wonderful?

Telling my family I'm an escort is difficult. Telling them I'm a masseuse is a pretty lie.

Once you go Black

2011-04-20T12:16:00.000-04:00

A few years ago my friend Janine and I planned to go to a sex chat. We were talking on yahoo and giggling, imagining how we'd dress up and go to a sex club for real. We went into the chat room, and like doors of the club opening, the sex chat swallowed us up.

We lost each other right away. Five black guys independantly private messaged me, each of them telling me slightly modified versions of the same thing. They were talking so nice to me and I was so happy for the attention, but I couldn't focus on anything except shifting back and forth from one of them to the next, to the next, to the next.

Distantly Janine was messaging me, trying to figure out what we were going to do, but I had no idea. All I could do was read and respond to each of these five black guys. I had no time or focus for anything else.

They said things. It was consistent, but different for each guy. I'm special. I was born for black men. I'm supposed to be with black guys and it must be so hard pretending to like other kinds of guys. I was really confused, they all seemed to know what to say to make me melt, and then it got really confusing.

Each of these guys independently came up with the idea to write on my body. They wrote the kinds of things you saw last blog post. They talked to me constantly, and now that I think about it, they effectively cut me off from anyone else but their ideas. They told me that I was black's only now, and that once you go black you never go back.

I didn't even *think* of going back for two years.

This was all happening online, but it demonstrates the power of persuasion. Of course you can go back, I've done so, but even now the words have power. It makes us feel a certain way, and it becomes sticky to think like maple syrup poured over my pancake brain.

At the time I was surprised that no white guys messaged me, but now that I think about it, even if they had I wouldn't have seen them. I was too busy juggling these five black guys. I had a wonderful bunch of times on that sex chat, and hopefully I'll get that kind of gangbang loving in person. It boosts self esteem through the roof, but its a dangerous drug.

Body Writing

2011-04-19T12:04:00.000-04:00

Something I've really liked for awhile is having my pale body written on. I like tattoos, plan on having several, but there is something truly electric about having people write things on my naked body, advertising various things. Whether its in marker or lipstick matters not to me. Heck maybe someday I'll have a PROPERTY OF SIMON tattoo like Tigerr Benson!

I read a story at the Erotic Mind Control Story Archive that played with this fantasy, and it was so delicious. Truly it echoed my thoughts.

I have always sort of felt if some one wrote something on my body it would be true.

Black guys seem to agree. They write all sorts of stuff on bodies, usually about how we're all going to be with black guys only, and we're going to be so happy with our bellies full of black baby batter.

This is a form of neuro-linguistic programming. It is brainwashing. I've been told sometimes the way I speak is another form of NLP. I certainly don't intend that. I just exhale and say/type what comes to mind on instinct. I have ambitions and plans, but I've trained myself to respond on passion.

Even the saying "Once you Go Black, you Never go Back" is NLP. That's a form of brainwashing and, frankly, it works. I didn't even need to physically be with a black man to not go back for a period of two years.

Tigerr Benson is my Hero

2011-04-18T11:48:00.002-04:00

If you've met me, in person or online, it has likely come up in conversation just how much of a hero Tigerr Benson is to me. I think she's absolutely fantastic, and I want to look at lot like her!

She's not a stereotypically thin model, and she rocks her curves. It is even less frequent for curvy Asian women to make careers in porn. There's so much of Tigerr to love, and I'm not talking about her Canadian-bought boobies! Tigerr Benson is the sort of curvy pansexual, polyamorous slutcake we ought to look up to!

I tell practically everyone Tigerr Benson is my idol, but I'm beginning to think that sends mixed signals. It is interesting that what I adore about her is not the same thing she is necessarily known for. Sure I'm submissive but I'm hardly a big submissive into D/s culture. I don't have any interest-fueled experience for BDSM aside from being a petgirl and I'm not entirely obedient.

I connect with Tigerr Benson's creativity. Her colour choices are fabulous, the way she does her makeup is great. I love the facial expressions she puts on, and the talkative nature she regularly involves herself in.

In fact it was her colour choices and talkative nature that made me think of how I am idolizing Tigerr for something other than she is usually represented. I downloaded a movie and a yummy black man was making her sort of like a petgirl. Tigerr was being a D/s slave here, and she was wearing nothing but black. There was body writing, which I adore, and there were some aspects that could have been interpreted as sexy, but for the most part Tigerr didn't speak, beyond "yes sir, thank you sir." That is outright boring. She didn't wear any colour, she didn't give all her facial expressions. It was straight up BDSM and it lacked any of her brilliance.

I'm not saying BDSM isn't brilliant. I'm saying in this case, it wasn't. For whatever reason, this Master wanted his slave to barely be more than a doll. That's all well and good, but the reason people like me is because I'm talkative. That much is evident otherwise you're not reading my words right now, you're just looking at some doll somewhere.

Language in porn is so important. In my porn I will avoid the 30 minute pretend student acting that goes on, but that doesn't mean I won't talk. Tigerr Benson does it well, when she's allowed.

Also I want to look like her. ^_^

Laser Hair Removal

2011-04-16T20:57:00.003-04:00

My Mom got me the best birthday present ever: laser hair removal!

I have six sessions coming up, and today I had decided to take my first. Mom drove me out there, which was good because it would have taken me several hours by TTC. It turns out it was extra good because I didn't get any laser done.

It was heart breaking because I had expected to begin this part of my journey and really feel like I could use a positive event right now, but the rationale makes sense. I was there to target the hair on my face, and because of a lifetime of shaving *phooey!* the hair on the face is tougher, and requires more treatments. Unless hormones can help me some of the way. The clinic owner was very honest and straight forward with me, and encourages me to come back after using hormones for a bit.

Disappointing, sure but the lady is AWESOME. Wendy is her name. She complimented me on my pic I showed her, and she's very supportive of my transition and of my documentary, and offered me discounts for promoting her to others.

This is such a big part of a transsexual's transition and has such high costs. I was shocked to find Wendy's prices are well below those of others, but her experience and success speaks for itself. She has several locations, is very friendly, and the place had free jacuzzi!

I meet with my Doctor on Wednesday and I am going to be very assertive. I want to begin anti androgens immediately. Enough waiting.

Any Greater Toronto Area girls who want to get laser done in a safe, comfortable, and trans-supportive place, leave a comment here, message me at my imagefap profile, or email me if its around here somewhere. I'll hook you up, and you'll be hooking me up too.

Man Quest

2011-04-16T01:37:00.003-04:00

I had counselling today. Spent the whole hour talking about my partner and baby, how to keep them in my life, and how to improve theirs. I feel like I have a better understanding of timeline but I have to say I'm a bit sad that I spend so much time trying to make things peaceful, happy and safe, ignoring my own self, and she told me tonight she doesn't plan on getting me a bday gift. She didn't get me anything for our anniversaries or Valentine's either for two years.

I feel like she doesn't care.

I'm looking forward to June. Career movements happen there that may have me living lady fabulous back in Toronto, single and entertaining men this summer. I deserve this.

I deserve males. They quest... Hence the title. It isn't like I've had an enormous amount of experience with women, so please don't take this to mean there are no exceptions, but I feel like, based on my own experience and the experiences of others, females lack in most sectors of a relationship. They feel like they landed a boyfriend and now they can go limp and let him do everything, nagging all the way.

Males don't seem to feel that way. Not only are they oh so very hot and sexy with their deeper voices, hands, hard bodies, and force of personalities, but they are builders, warriors, they make things happen.

When a man desires me, he shows it. He makes his presence known, and if he actually cares, seeks to improve my life with displays of affection. They are rewarded. It isn't expected or demanded, it is given freely and appreciated.

Shemales share that value with males, unsurprisingly. It often will come in the form of our willingness to sexually worship our mate, or an outfit worn, or a massage or pampering given. It can even be a simple and clear praise.

I am so grateful for male attention, and for all the males out there who don't try to murder me.

You're all aces.

What's Between Your Legs?

2011-04-13T11:27:00.002-04:00

So you're at a club, dancing with your sistas. You look way hot and the eyes are on you. You're thisty so you push your way through the writhing sexy bodies towards the bar and you end up meeting a really hot guy.

He's so into you and you're already under his spell. That's right, swoon. He gets your number, and does he ever call? Yes!

So now you're dating a cute boy and things are going well. It kinda seems like, uh oh... he doesn't know you're a ladyboy!

WHEN AND HOW DO YOU TELL HIM?

Are we supposed to bear our genitals like a security badge at every potential new friend we meet?

Or are you proud to wave your tgirl flag. This gorgeous man is so lucky to experience ladyboy joy!

Do we wait until things start to get really good, and then risk breaking our own hearts? If you wait, are you waiting to see if he's a good guy and can handle it?

Are you leaving hints or taking him to pride parades and gauging his reaction?

Or do you do the overly-publicized "trick" and try to get away with hot boy sex without him even knowing it, trusting that once he gets a taste of ladyboy joy he's done with girls anyways?

Last week at the gender group we had a great discussion about love and being transsexual and this issue came up. There are many different perspectives and all are valid. I'm interested in yours.

Doctoring Advice

2011-04-09T00:22:00.003-04:00

I was at the Doctor's again this past week. A physical was in order, chest measuring and genital checking among other things. This seems like a natural prelude to anti androgens, and yet the physical did not occur.

Instead I was treated to a student Doctor inspecting my head for signs of my common cold, which I had mentioned I was getting over.

No discussion of hormones took place.

I was told to make another appointment, in two weeks time, to continue the physical prelude to anti androgens that was wasted this time.

This has sparked a curiosity in me which has become a bonfire. I am dissatisfied with the Canadian political and medical view on transgender issues. Rather than beat my head against the wall of a parliament that turfed the Transgender Protection Bill when they headed for elections, I will simply bypass the system.

I am researching a plan to travel to another country and have my surgeries BEFORE I even get hormones.

We know there are some tgirls who do the surgeries without ever going on HRT, and they pass. This is especially common with pornstars and escorts who require a fully functional cock. Therefore it is not necessary to even go through HRT in order to live as a beautiful woman.

This doesn't mean I will avoid HRT. I want it. I want it like soaking up sunshine on a beach in a bikini. I just have to respect timeline here. I have a baby who is growing up, and will soon form long term memories. I'd like them to be consistent with fabulous milf me!

The longer you wait, the more health problems you will have. I don't want to wait 2-5 years on HRT only to find that such and such medical problem that has sprung up now prevents me from having cosmetic surgery. That would be totally lame.

The reasons for waiting for HRT to take effect are ambiguous and lacking in substance as well. Money? Uh, it is a LOT more expensive to juggle a dual life and pay for psychologist bills and HRT prescriptions as well as still requiring surgery anyways. Going to another country and getting the surgeries at a fair price will mean I can immediately live fulltime, skipping male clothes entirely. One wardrobe, one life to live, and I get to go to work and live as the ladyboy I am.

Let the hormones do their work? Well, let me put it this way: Has any cisgender woman been told to wait until after menopause to have cosmetic enhancements? No.

Cisgender women go through hormones rollercoasters every 28 days, they also have a hurricane of hormones when menopause happens, and yet nobody tells them to avoid cosmetic enhancements because their bodies will change over time. No publications I am aware of discuss post-menopausal cosmetic surgery situations, not that it would change mind. No what's worse is girls before puberty are given cosmetic enhancements. We have, on rare occasion, questioned the morality of breast enhancement, but there seems to be no great movement to encourage pre teen beauty queens to wait until after puberty to have facial enhancements like botox.

I think what disturbs me most about this "patience" game is that it quietly implies if you do surgeries without wasting several years of your life not passing while on HRT, you are going to end up disfigured like Frankenstein's monster. It is fear mongering plain and simple.

It looks like Venezuela, a country on the top of the world for cosmetic procedures, would run me about 10k to look like Tigerr Benson, that's including airfare, accomodations, and all the procedures, and even a nurse to hold my straw.

In Canada a boob job costs 7k and I would require a note from a psychologist who charges about 170/hr and would need many hours of my money to decide to write that letter in the first place. That's easily more than 10k, and remember in this plan I'm waiting until I'm almost 40 so the hormones can do whatever they are going to do.

Which, as you are likely aware, may not be much. HRT affects each person differently. There are a miriad of factors that go into whether HRT will be exceptionally effective, or whether your body will reject them entirely like an allergy! Age, weight, genetics, psychology, stress level, fitness level, dietary choices, etc. You get the point.

"What ifs" like this are not how a ladyboy slut does business. I'm taking my documentary to Venezuela, or another country, and I'm doing this thing up 2011 styles. I will be safe, I will measure thrice before cutting once, but decisiveness, not delay are what I, and my baby girl, need to return this chaotic life to order.

Oh ya, and the faster I look like I deserve to look, the faster I can fuck and suck you all on porn. I hope you don't mind fucking me on camera guys! You can wear a mask if you are married.

Silly Cucks!

2011-04-07T01:23:00.004-04:00

I seem to attract many of you silly cucks out there, and I'm never sure why. I'm not in the least bit dominant, and yet you're still falling over yourself to spend your money on me and pull your widdle weenies while I make out with real men.

I don't mind.

In fact I'm finding myself increasingly comfortable with my own form of cucking. I'm not whips and chains, but I do like a touch of tease, and if a big black guy gets his hands on me all the better!

My imagefap profile has a few cuck captions that I'm sure you're going to make your little cummies too in no time.

Let's be professional here though, cucks, because its not like you're man enough to be my boyfriend.. so when you make your silly cock cum, catch the load in a kleenex. You're not making any babies tonight!

Short dresses

2011-03-31T17:14:00.003-04:00

So my Mother and Brother came to the family night at the gender group. It was kinda sorta awesome. A lot of supportive people there. Great to see.

We were separated at some point, our allies drawn into another room, and afterwards we compared lists we had made, of hopes and fears. There was a lot of similarity, but they were surprised to learn that while they had one page of hopes and fears, we had six.

Chief among the fears our parents, family, and friends have is safety: medically, socially, and mentally. It is understandable.

Interestingly enough my Mom had a conversation about me with the coordinator, and she brought up her concern of how short my dress was on Saturday at the club. Lol! I haven't even begun hormones, but apparently it will be like puberty, and we will have a tendency to wear dresses and skirts that are quite revealing.

Now I must confess I was amused, but inwardly defiant. I love dresses, and I have great legs and want to show them off. I like having attention, and by no means would I say I dress 'slutty'. I just show a lot of my pale body.

These pics are examples of outfits I have worn or will wear. This is, essentially, my style. Now I'm a slut. Please don't mistake me here. I'm 100% dick dreaming, boycrazed and polyamorous. The line up for the gangbang is on the left, which of you gorgeous men are going to rub me down with oil first?

I don't really relate to the fetish clothing aspects that many tgirls enjoy: nylons, red/black outfit combinations, leather/latexpvc, towering heels. Please know I am happy for you to express yourself, like, however you want, fer sure! Bimbotization fetish aside though, do you feel like you dress sluttier than cisgender women? For the more advanced of us, did you initially wear more revealing clothing, and now find yourself drawn towards more appropriate knee-length outfits?

I'm super interested to know! Either way, we are all lady fabulous and should be proud!

Boys Boys Boys

2011-03-31T00:51:00.003-04:00

I love 'em! I want to get my hands all over gorgeous hard male bodies. I'm already hopelessly boycrazy and Doctors warn estrogen will make male pheromones 'intoxicating' to me. Bring it on Doc! I want ALL the boycraze.

I'm so proud of myself for having such overwhelming arousal towards males. Can you imagine what girls are for? I can't! I had been with tens of thousands of men online before I even had a kiss from a girl. I felt nothing, thought movies exaggerated the experience, the sex, etc.

But the truth is, and I'm not sure why I didn't take this as a wake up call, that I would shake and swoon and melt just TALKING to men online. It is an intensely enjoyable experience to feel the presence of males wash over me. Girls are wasted on me.

I love how males know what to say to make me blossom. The gentle dominance that is innate to their kind, that I find so desperately attractive that it makes my boipussy tingle and the desire to be filled with throbbing life undeniable.

So I thought I'd show some hot pics of guys, some hard bodies I want to grab, men I want to kiss me breathless and carry me to the bedroom to ravish me.

Apologies to all you guys who didn't enjoy the pics. I'll make it up to you on my yahoo, lol.

1st night out on the town!

2011-03-28T11:08:00.004-04:00

I had a wonderful time going to a club on Saturday night with my sistas in tow. Despite a calamity of tiny errors we had a blast. My friend did up all our makeup smoky eye awesome, and then into the cold we went.

I had thought up my outfit when it was 12 degrees outside. On Saturday it was -12. I had a cute little dress on.. little as in ending mid thigh, and no tights, just my smooth and pale legs. Many eyes were upon me, yes, but outside the club it may have been for a different reason. In order to stay warm I had bought this fabulous big black/brown fur coat. I did not realize it was longer than my dress...

Yup, outside in public I looked like I was wearing a fur coat, and nothing else.

The bouncer was this yummy black guy. He checked my friends' ids and they were in, he saw my boy id and didn't bat an eye, he just smiled and touched my elbow. I swooned for like five minutes afterwards.

Once inside it was fabulous. The coat check girl was super nice to me and loved my look and then the eyes started. Because of my little calamities I wasn't as confident as I usually am, so I didn't smolder back at them and get slut fucked in the stairwell, but I was caressed and grabbed as I danced.

I had a tiny trip on the dance floor. Heels not easy girls. Then I decided to sit down and talk to the birthday girl, the reason we were there. I made friends, was complimented repeatedly on my shoes, my legs, omg i can't get over how good your shoes look on you. I soaked it in. Shoes, nails, dress, makeup, hair: Hearing about how impressed they are with how I coordinate is big for me.

I learned a few things about my night out. Comment with your tips on clubbing dressed.

1. You don't make out with boys sitting down. Dance floor is where the sex begins.

2. Bring flats. Heels are sexy, dancing with boys is sexier.

3. I brought a larger bag. Don't. Bring a clutch, even if your sistas want you to carry their stuff ha

I'm hooked though. The place was so friendly and I'm definitely going back. Next time with a longer dress, flats, a clutch purse, and a little more money to get buzzed so my dancing becomes less nervous.

Saturday Night's Alright for Tucking

2011-03-22T01:14:00.003-04:00

I'm going to a trans friendly club on Saturday. This will mark the first time I've gone to a public place dressed. Halloween found me at a house party, but this is different. This is downtown Toronto on a Saturday night hand in hand with my sista Aya, surrounded by guys on the prowl.

I'm really excited, and I have my outfit planned, but something I never even thought of before was brought to my attention: Tucking.

Silly as it may seem, I apparently had no idea what tucking was. I thought it was something hung tgirls do to hide their swinging monsters. I thought it wasn't something my tiny princess needed to worry about. I certainly didn't think it meant putting my berries inside me!!!

I'm scared. I've been practicing, and I'm making progress, but there is some discomfort to be expected and so I'm not sure how much pressure I should put to get the balls into the corner pockets.

I looked at some videos and they were helpful, but in earnest they focused too much on the taping part, where what I'm concerned about is, oh I don't know, the 'push my testicles inside my body' part.

Any tips or references you can give me would be so helpful. I want to do a good job, maybe flirt, make out, who knows, maybe we'll bring a guy home and devour him together. In order to do that though, I need to tuck. I'm such a wimp.

Q&A and Coming Out: Brother

2011-03-19T14:00:00.003-04:00

Firstly I came out to my brother last night. Most anticlimactic reaction ever, lol. "It doesn't matter," he said. While he didn't have many questions, I'm glad that he's fine with it. I'm lucky.

I'm lucky for a lot of reasons. Family is being supportive so far, though the hardest people to tell are ahead still. I'm also very lucky because I have such a vibrant following of yummy guys who say the sweetest things! I've been receiving a lot of compliments and along with that, a number of questions. I've decided to start answering some. If you have anything you want to ask me, feel free uh... email me? I.. I dunno.. feel free to teach me how to put a gadget that let's me get formspring questions. lol. I'm looking forward to it!

Jim says:

I just wanted to say how much I adore your blog, your captions, and your personality. You are indeed the most interesting person on imagefap. And the way you tap into the male psyche is quite impressive. I'm a "straight" guy, I date girls, but I'm private I'm a secret gayboy slut who loves ladyboys. I'm more of a bottom, but I can also be a top. I also love lesbian stuff and black cock, so your pictures and captions appeal to me on so many levels. I'm curious, are you 100% into guys or are you sexually attracted to women in some way as well? What type of guy turns you on the most?

Wow Jim I'm so glad you share this with me! This positive feedback is soOo good.

I'm pragmatically bisexual. That is to say, some women have enough charm and willpower to seduce me into a touch of submissive enjoyment. That said, I largely consider myself straight. I prefer males enormously and would in fact kick a woman out of bed for the sheer enjoyment of it.

I cannot see myself in another relationship with a woman. They suck at relationships.

I verrrrry much enjoy teasing straight girls and helping lesbians turn straight girls out. It helps my cause. I want all the men.

As for men (a favourite topic): I am attracted to a wide variety of guys. It is charm and confidence that spreads my legs. I would not say overly so, but I am submissive by nature. I am the yin and I seek yangs. I dont like abuse or pain, I like to be treated like a trophy, and I like big hands on me. I like a male to put me in several sexual positions in a session, and to make me feel vulnerable, from having my legs up on his shoulders to feeling his chest at my back and his hand turning my head to kiss me from behind.

I like men's hands, their chests and god i am so attracted to abs. I like males who are bigger and stronger than me, and taller, though none of those things are hard to find. I like guys who have a gentle sort of dominance, that is to say they don't bluntly require 'Master' and rules and traditional D/s culture. I like it when men buy me things.

I had so much fun answering. Does this help or only inspire more questions?

sparkles and rainbows,

mei

Study Says: Men Prefer Shemales

2011-03-17T15:52:00.005-04:00

This isn't my article, but the original source is unclear to me. I've put in bold some of the information that stands out to me, and tried to leave out some of the authors politically incorrect extrapolations. It was published based on internet statistic information in 2009, and pleases me a great deal. There are some aspects that might rub people the wrong way, but the data is irrefutable:

You'd rather get off to me than to your girlfriend. ^_^

Now if we can only work on your comfort dating shemales, we'd be all set, and you'd be free from those nagging conversations and inability to be allowed to play video games or nap.

On with the show:

“Whether they want to admit it or not, the numbers on the web show us that there’s definite interest,” says Alex Ladd, co-owner and head of production for DVSX.com. In an interview with adult-industry newssource Xbiz.com, Ladd couched the trend in the language of his trade: “Straight men want trannies.”

Research gathered from more than a dozen major sources – including Alexa, Google and Internet World Stats – reveals that nearly 190 million heterosexual men are attracted to transsexual women and actively seek romantic contact with or sexually explicit images of them annually.

“The Internet really has made the whole thing more popular in the last few years,” says Steven Gallon , owner of Grooby Productions, one of the first transsexual sites launched a decade ago. “You’re now seeing [transsexuals] in mainstream advertising and on TV shows. That and the Internet have made it [socially acceptable for transsexuals] to be out there on display.”

Such displays come as no surprise to Hollywood darling Seth Rogen, star of such films as Knocked Up, Pineapple Express and Observe & Report. “One thing I’ve learned through various mainstream sex sites is that way more guys are into transsexual porn than one would like to think,” Rogan told Maxim last October. “I feel like it’s the elephant in America’s room: the secret love of transsexual porno.”

SIZE MATTERS IN THE (TRANS)SEXUAL REVOLUTION
Interest in “transsexual” topics has risen more than 5,000 percent in the past five years. Combined traffic from the top 10 adult sites and top 10 dating sites catering exclusively to trans-loving males has risen 350 percent in the past 90 days alone. Straight male visitors to these 20 websites now top 188 million annually – not including traffic counts from the other 300+ transs sites already online.

Size Matters: The Global Trans Market

Secret or not, the phenomenon is not an exclusively American one. Although comprised predominately of single, middle-class residents of the US, UK, Australia and Canada, these transsexual “admirers,” as they’re called, can also be found in major metropolitan cities throughout South America, Europe and Asia.

According to the latest Internet statistics, interest in “transsexual” topics has risen more than 5,000 percent in the past five years, and interest in “transsexual dating” has surged more than 400 percent. In the past 90 days alone, combined traffic from the top 10 adult sites and top 10 dating sites catering exclusively to trans-loving males has risen 350 percent. While some crossover invariably exists, heterosexual male visitors to these 20 websites now top 188 million annually. And this figure doesn’t include traffic counts from the additional 300+ transsexual sites already in existence or from new ones being created by mainstream giants like Hustler.

But it’s the “heterosexual male” descriptor that continues to baffle many observers – or so they claim. Might they, too, be harboring a “ trans-secret?” Gallon thinks they might be: “The majority of customers [who purchase transsexual porn] are straight men.” In fact, Gallon says , “[transsexual content generates] practically no response in the gay market at all. I don’t even bother to promote it to the gay market, because it would be a waste of money.” Not only are most of his customers heterosexual men, Gallon says, “some are movie stars, rock stars and sports figures” – guys most would consider “heterosexual role models."

ANYTHING BUT GAY
“Men who buy our porn do NOT buy gay porn,” says Wendy Williams, AVN 2009 Transsexual Performer of the Year. “I have dealt with many admirers of transsexuals, and the large majority identify themselves as straight. They are attracted to the feminine appearance – long hair, breasts, smooth skin, hips and ass.” So to all you adult-videostore managers out there who place transsexual titles alongside gay ones, Keith Webb of gay powerhouse Titan Media has some friendly professional advice: “Get it the hell out!”

“Let me tell you, it’s not gay,” agrees Keith Webb , co-owner and vice president of gay powerhouse Titan Media. “Gay men do not want to watch [transsexual women]. It’s straight men who want to watch it.” And to all those adult-videostore managers out there who place transsexual titles alongside gay ones, Webb has some friendly advice: “Get it the hell out!”

The Trans-Cash Caravan: “Outselling Everything ”

According to Ladd, transsexual content has become a “really hip and viable source of income over the last two to three years. … Major production companies have jumped on the [transsexual] bandwagon, including Vivid, Anabolic, Caballero, Metro Interactive and Red Light District, to name a few.”

One of the caravan’s newest members, David K of PimpRoll hitched up his wagon only this month. In a recentinterview with reporter Stephen Yagielowicz, K revealed that, while his company considered launching each of its seven new transsexual websites “on a longer time frame, the [transsexual] niche is so hot right now that we have decided to go for maximum impact all at once.”

For some in the biz, transsexual material is now outpacing mainstream material in both overall sales and market growth. Even traditional print-media behemoths Penthouse and Hustler have begun to spotlight transsexual women in full-blown features. Not to be outdone online, Hustler announced as recently as June 2009 the creation of its first transsexual-only adult website, even as more traditional outlets continue to increase their coverage of the, uhm, “less-revealing” side of transsexualism. Google Analytics reveals that, of the nearly 30,000 transsexual-related news stories published in the mainstream media over the past 45 years, more than half (15,100) have surfaced in the past five years alone.

Most interesting person on Imagefap

2011-03-14T22:40:00.003-04:00

"Thanks for the comments babe. I think you're possibly the most interesting person on imagefap x" That is the comment I received from CaughtSlippin'Again. I love to leave teasing little messages on people's imagefap galleries. You can see what I wrote to inspire such praise by checking out the profile.

I hear a lot that something about me sets me apart from a lot of others. It makes me feel wonderful because they are talking about my personality. My mind. My body is a journey, but my mind is already very popular. I look forward to the day when my body is fabulous enough to make the pornographic expressions I want to achieve come true.

I've updated my imagefap once again. Ladyboy Joys is the latest gallery. I hope you are inspired by the pics I selected.

Yoga and Relaxation

2011-03-13T23:20:00.004-04:00

I've been taking a yoga and meditation course and it is wonderful. It is really just skimming the surface of yoga, and has a larger meditation component but I'm finding it so enjoyable.

I love the sensations of stretching in yoga and the end result is ample calm, docile, and sensual wellness. I would very much like a strong male to lay his hands on me and guide me through each position. Yoga is such a sensual experience.

Likely you find it as no surprise I enjoy meditation, what with my rampant desires for hypnosis. I've been using hypnosis as a lifestyle tool for some time, and have been blessed with more hypnotic influence in recent months. I never found the mp3s particularly useful, except for the binaurals that were made especially for me. The erotic hypnosis mp3s, I feel, are entertainment. Candy. That is enjoyable, but I want deep voiced masculine relaxation. I'm lucky to get it.

My friend made another lovely hypnotic caption of me. So amazing it demands sharing here.

A Nony Moose's TG Captions can be found here.

Deadly Sins At My Own Pace

2011-03-04T19:41:00.004-05:00

Sure I'm completely consumed with lust and have a sweet tooth for greed, but I've always struggled with envy. I compare myself to others in my vanity, I would achieve my goals more quickly if not for sloth. I'd have the body I deserve if not for gluttony, and all of this waiting gives me wrath.

I counted them all, right? ^_^ I found these Princess Deadly Sins pieces today and felt connected to what I'm going through now.

So I've got a hormone Doctor, but no money for hormones. I've got a therapist I will begin seeing in two weeks, but a life situation that is still complicated. I've got guys offering threesomes, and yet my stuff is still with my friend who I haven't seen for weeks. Basically, ups and downs.

I can look across the table at the gender support group and feel envy for how far some others are in their transitions, or how much simpler their home lives are. What I find pride in is that each week we go there, I have moved forward at a seemingly faster and more consistently successful pace than some of those I envy. That makes me smile.

Boipussy meets Mr. Dildo

2011-02-18T00:03:00.002-05:00

I don't really live in an environment that makes toying my pussy easy. I have this really gorgeous black realistic dong, and I'm told he's way girthy, but I don't get to make love to him. Moreover, when I do get the time, I go dick dumb after just getting his head inside. This past weekend I enlisted help, and this is what I've learned...

Once someone pushes my toy inside me, I work for them. Fucking ladyboy pie is like an instant connection to the subconscious, kinda like hypnosis.

It hurts at first but once my pussy adjusts to having something big and hard inside everything becomes clear. Well, everything about that dildo becomes clear. Pleasure, sensory overload, pressure. The pressure would build and spread throughout me with each thrust, but when those dildo balls were slapping against me it was building trust.

Feels so good though, makes me wanna cry. Seems like my help finds it obvious that I was born to take the cock. I didn't want to stop, don't ever want to stop getting fucked. There were all these phone calls but I mean go the fuck away, I couldn't carry on a conversation anyway!

I'm a big fan of lube, want it running down my balls. Want that sloppy sloshing fuky fuky to mix in with the symphony of my moans. Ya, it turns out I'm a noisy fuck, and even though I get dick dumb fast, I'm still very talkative. Bursts of laughter, screams of pleasure, slutty confessions and pleas for more. That dildo touched something in my mind and I'll do anything to get filled more.
There really is no denying it, I feel like I've got a schoolgirl crush. My toy boyfriend is so dreamy and I love to kiss and nuzzle and just stare at him after he turns my ladyboy pie to mush.

Coming Out and Doctors Appointment

2011-02-15T14:23:00.003-05:00

I had felt really emotionally broken after learning that more of my time had been wasted by the health care system in Canada. Who turns off a fax machine when they take a MONTH off for vacation? Seriously lame..

Regardless, my gender group has proven to be a boon already. I was given a pamphlet for a local health center that is currently accepting new trans patients. My intake appointment is next Wednesday!

Not only is it super lucky that they are accepting me immediately, but the health center is 10 minutes away from me!!!

Another useful nearby building is a laser hair removal school. 500 meters from me to be precise. I emailed them a proposal to develop their web presence and be a body for their students to practice on in exchange for free laser hair removal. I am anxiously awaiting their reply.

This weekend was particularly emotional for me. I came out to my Mother. It was extremely difficult, but I felt it was necessary. In the case that I succumbed to my depression and ended my life, at least my Mother would know why. I did not expect what happened...

My Mother is 100% supportive. She offered to pay for the psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychotherapist that is evidently required before the endocrinologist who never got my referral will put me on hormones. By telling my Mother, not only does she now understand why I have been so angry all my life, but she understands, quite clearly, that I will die if I do not transform. It is a simple reality.

I feel a renewed sense of optimism, one I will carry with me to the gender support group this Wednesday, and my new trans-specific physician the following Wednesday.

Gender Support Group and Hormones Thwarted!

2011-02-11T16:51:00.002-05:00

So I'm in! This week was my first session with the support group and wow what a group! Lots of people there, MtFs and FtMs, eclectic in age, race, and all sorts of uniqueness.

I was terrified I would be the only one not dressed, but that wasn't the case! I was also concerned I was behind in progress, also seems not to be the case!

We were *all* terrified at first, it was obvious. Nobody wanted to begin, most of us were self conscious about our voices, and something else we all seemed to share... a sense of relief at no longer being alone.

It is wonderful to not feel alone. I don't mean to suggest I haven't felt supported online, or by my girlfriends. It just is something altogether differentt to sit at a conference table filled with people who totally completely get what you're going through, because they are gathered at the same place, for the same reasons.

In other news, yay for Canada, maybe... The Transgender Protection Bill was narrowly approved by the house of commons, no thanks to our Prime Minister. It is a small victory since it has to be something something'd by the conservative dominated senate. I'm sourcing plane tickets out of this snowball. Canada might have people who are open minded, but they are still voting poorly.

I'm increasingly ashamed of my country.

I learned today I CAN'T get hormones without having a psychologist. So I have to sit on these long wait lists, that are upwards of a year long, just so I can get what I deserve. I understand the idea of having a psychologist attached, but if they are unavailable, do you honestly expect me to play by the rules, Canada?

Now if only I could find the man/investor to carry me off to a more respectable and ladyboy friendly country... oh say Thailand... then I'll be doing my own porn website and earning that man /investor lots of money with live action slutfests similar to the fictional following...

Shemale LoLs

2011-02-08T18:32:00.002-05:00

Last year I made a few lolcat inspired captions. After making the motivational posters, I felt like doing some more instinct-based writing. Several are here, but once again you can find the majority on my imagefap profile, which should be one of your bookmarked favourite web pages by now.

Shemale

2011-02-06T20:45:00.004-05:00

I know there is a lot of stigma surrounding porn term 'shemale'. I don't share that. I find a source of pride in the term. Think of me what you will, I'm a proud shemale.

I decided to let my creative rivers flow with the word and my glowing shemale pride, in the form of motivational posters.

The reason I find these enjoyable is because I do them on rapid-fire, with no thought. I work entirely on instinct, to achieve what I think is a pure emotional commentary on myself and, by extension, others like me who find pride in the word.

I am not even implying that all trans are shemales, it simply isn't the case. I'm talking about those of us who can comfortably find pride in defining *ourselves* as shemales. Its a sub group to be certain, and I'm sure some people reading this are fuming and writing on their boring little blogs about how angry they are and how I am such a horrid monster. Increasingly I relate to Tila Tequila and Kim Kardashian more than I do with the majority of this community.

Please find the larger collection of motivational posters at my friendly-neighborhood imagefap profile.

Caption Me! Definitively Mei

2011-02-04T00:01:00.002-05:00

So how amazing is Jessica Bangkok, right? She's such an influence of mine, as previously blogged. This picture especially is just so definitively 'me'.

I think it would be such a fun and interactive experience to have a little caption bouncing here. As a comment to this blog post, make a brief caption about me in this picture. You know which one I am. The fabulous.

Jessica Bangkok

2011-02-03T00:00:00.002-05:00

One of my influences in adult entertainment is Jessica Bangkok. I think she's fabulous. She has some of the best outfits for porn, really knows how to present herself, and she's a curvy bitch to boot!

I'd love to resemble her!

Modern Goddess: Give in to Nature

2011-02-02T01:02:00.002-05:00

Simone is absolutely incredible. If you haven't had the chance to visit her blog Modern Goddess you should now, and if you do visit regularly, go again now!

I'm so grateful to be one of her pawns. I light candles in her honour, and I pray that her powers will manifest and I can be swept up into the feminine life I do so deserve.

Thank you, Goddess, for sculpting me again.

Gender Journeys

2011-01-07T01:11:00.003-05:00

I have a really good chance of being part of a transgender support group in my city in a few weeks. There are 39 people and 25 spots, and I've been waiting since June. I'm excited to move support and learning forward as the science of softening me moves forward as well.

I've been feeling kinda depressed lately. I won't go into it, but I suppose it makes sense, what with the relationship and parenthood issues, not withstanding career and gender issues as well.

I find sex helps. Cyber sex, having the attention of people, drawing their arousal out to say hello, and helping them explode in brief moments of bliss with my thought born into words. It nourishes me.

I am told that is the definition of a succubus.

Doctor Referral

2010-12-21T01:50:00.003-05:00

So I may be taking a needle like a good girl as early as January! My Doctor is referring me to one of the endocrinologists in the city, and it turns out I'm not even my Doctor's first transgender patient! Super!

He says specialists are often busy, but if I haven't gotten an appointment by January I should call them directly and make this happen!

I'm so excited!

Lesbian Hypnosis Part 1

2010-12-11T01:18:00.000-05:00

I deeply enjoy "turning out" It doesn't matter if its white going black, bois going sissy, or straight going gay, it makes me feel soOOOo good.

I certainly haven't met a woman who can melt me, but I totally adore the idea of straight girls going lesbian, forgetting what their boyfriends were ever for. So hot!

I really enjoyed making those motivational captions before, so I thought I'd make a series devoted to straight girls turning lesbian.

Enjoy!

Lesbian Hypnosis Part 2

2010-12-11T01:13:00.001-05:00

I had a boyfriend?

Holiday Celebrations

2010-12-10T23:53:00.002-05:00

A recurring bliss for me is the idea of being on display, putting on a show. I fancy myself creative, and to that end I would love to be living art at a party of the wealthy and influential.

Standing on a pedestal, shimmering with body glittery and thick coating of oil, tangled in a mess of fabulous Christmas lights.

So many rich hands on me, women and men, giving soft caresses, inspecting the art, placing their bids. Perhaps a gorgeous Adonis is brought out to mate roughly with my Christmas pixie ass.

Slutfucked by an alpha at a crowded event is a wonderful way to celebrate the season! Happy Holidays everyone!

Hypnosis sticky sweet

2010-12-07T13:18:00.003-05:00

It is no surprise from my captions that I've been a huge mind control fan for some time. What I melt for is the confidence of a person, male or female, and how brilliant and charismatic they can be to change my mind. You can change so much with the right tone of voice, the right brush of fingers across a cheek, the right words and swagger.

New and sexy ideas can drip like syrup on a pancake brain with the help of stylish headphones. In no time you're loyal to a totally different crowd, shaking that ass while you listen to your sonic spell and think about how pretty you'll be with your knees to the ground.

Memories can be deconstructed so that first kiss with Lucy Sanders becomes hot and steamy shower kiss with your teammate, and that playboy magazine you keep under your bed becomes a big gorgeous dildo and a men's health, the perfect preteen date!

A straight girl could abandon her beloved boyfriend and all that she knew, succumbing to forbidden lesbian delights.

Or of course a curious boy could be convinced by conversation that he was never really a boy and live as a girl, give it a try... just for awhile...

I've just joined a place called mcgarden, and its been a total blast. Thanks to Nomdefemme for encouraging me to sign up, these peeps are great!

no!no! make mei smooth!

2010-12-05T11:43:00.002-05:00

Omg guys I found something soooo fabulous that I just totally have to have! The no!no! hair removal system is closest thing to laser for permanent hair removal. Isn`t that fabulous?!

I've done lots of research and this so works, and I want it omg omg, but how come Canadian stores aren't selling it yet?

Oh my won't some dashing suitor spend his hard earned money to make Mei happy! I surely know one of you will. ^_^

This will make me smooth and smooth makes me happy! My friends will want to touch my skin and men will want to kiss my body. I know you like it when men touch me, when they feel me up and play with my little star. I know you want my sistas to finger my pie and have little lesbian joys with me. I know you want me to model for you, my legs so bare and silky.

It's so easy, no!no! has the solution, and pretty in pink would look so nice under my gay little Christmas tree! Its on my wish list at the bottom of my blog, where all the cutest things are!

Fantasy ramblings

2010-12-03T00:03:00.003-05:00

I was playing through my folders the other day and found something I wrote about some fantasy concepts that really touch me in my boipussy...

I made a few captions once about being digital. I feel kinda like a digital playground anyways, so colourful streaming code meant to entertain men like you. I think that it would be amazing to be digitized, my mid floating in a virtual world, where I can be affected and altered like open source code. My environment, my body, even my personality can be altered to suit someone’s fantasies.Perhaps then, with my body laid here, I am downloaded into another person’s body across the ocean or something, and live as me 2.0 in pretty form.

I love idea of being bath girl, and perhaps living in a warm bath of milk or water like a water nymph, waiting for my Master to arrive in his bathhouse so I can sponge bath and massage him.Be a relaxation technique for a ruler in a decadent world. I think that the bath itself would transform me, so I could be lured there by promise of a hedonistic vacation usually reserved for Emperors, and end up transformed into the vacation for rulers myself.

I want to be a happy product for a corporation. It would be nice to be headhunted by a company for my skills and brought overseas, so exciting, only to be transformed through company therapy, education, electricity, and health/surgery checkups into a model or product to tot their wares. My imagination is valuable, but doesn’t require my gender, I would be valuable sexual product with such creativity.

I read a story once where a convincing man showed up and just talked to a family at a garage sale. He left and came back a few times, but I can imagine my parents being convinced to sell me for omg like so little money at a garage sale, to this man. They would be appalled at first, but calmly convinced, and his words would change their minds and mine, making me more of a sissy until I’m a girl and then making me a product for him to purchase.

Philosophy is an interesting concept. The idea that someone can come to know something through conversation is so fascinating. I think it would be so sexy if someone was able to convince me of the way the universe works, and as he does, the universe changes to suit what he’s said. My mind, my body, my purpose, my whole existence can be explained in such a way that it just becomes so, and I am so lucky to learn how the universe works!

Size Queen

2010-11-30T01:15:00.003-05:00

It comes as no surprise that I'm very attracted to men, and of course a certain reverence for cocks goes with the territory. Sure, I love a man's big hands, his voice, his smell, and his chest and abs, his everything, but there is something instinctively religious about succumbing to the will of a big swinging dick.

The cock is such a thing of beauty, its personality is unique to the male. Veins, thickness, textures, cut or uncut, there is just so much that makes a man's cock "His" and dicks are so beautiful it makes me want them inside me soOOo bad!

Cock is cock, but what I wish I understood about myself is why I find myself instinctively drawn to BIG dicks. I mean big, heavy, slut taming dongs. I want to feel the weight on my face, I want to work to get that godstick down my throat, and I want to touch heaven when the fullness overwhelms me and the men who have em know it! They know I can't help myself around a hung male, I just gotta suck him and fawn over him and get my tight little boipussy ruled by him.

They say cocks can be too big, why can't I agree with that!?

A science guy told me about how ladyboys were designed for big dicks, cause our asspussies are longer inside and can accomodate big swinging breeders where girls can't. I know hung men so often have self esteem issues because stupid girls complain about their size and the pain. Doesn't it just seem so perfectly natural, then, that shemales and hung men were born to be mated together?!
So here's to all you hung men out there, I love you long time!

Yummy Mummy!

2010-11-24T18:22:00.003-05:00

That's right the baby is born! I'm a yummy mummy now, soon to be pushing my stroller around and getting all the looks from the boys on the street.

I'm super excited because my daughter is soOo cute! I'm so going to impart all my fashion ideas and teach her how to get all the attention from the boys!

Don't worry boys, having my baby has only made me even needier sexually! I don't know what it is, but being a MILF now just has set me on fire, I want all of you to fuck me in one endless gangbang I want to breed so bad, cum in me and maybe if enough big strong men fuck me senseless I'll actually get knocked up!

Girls! Is it just me, or does the idea of being a MILF like me get you excited?

100 000 lovers

2010-11-24T13:01:00.003-05:00

I'm so proud! Last night my imagefap profile went over 100 thousand views! I am so grateful for all of you who have had such sweet orgasms to my ideas. I like it when you get off on my mind. Cum splashes on my brain so often.

Gender Clinic: Results

2010-11-19T17:04:00.004-05:00

Can't avoid the cliche.. it has been awhile. Wow lots happened. I'll update over time. Let's discuss the gender clinic first, kay?

I had my gender clinic evaluations and got a big sparkly stamp of "GENDER DYSPHORIA" approval. It feels pretty good, to be confirmed, validated.

That is all the gender clinic can offer. I was thinking about it. Being Canadian, I've grown up with the idea that if something is going on, you go to the appropriate organizational body and they help you through it. Being transgender doesn't work that way. It should, but it doesn't. The gender clinic stated, peacefully and supportively, that this is up to me, I am on my own.

When to take HRT, what to take, if to take it at all, the surgeries, everything except for SRS is up to me. I need no permission.

I'm being referred to an endocronologist and they can help me begin this journey. The problem, of course, is cost. I don't have a solution for that yet.

Enjoy some tasty shemale treats, oui?

Sporting Life

2010-10-26T23:44:00.002-04:00

I never was much of a sporty person. I find most sports games boring, though oddly I like the idea of making snacks and serving drinks to the guys while they watch the game.

Luckily not being sporty has helped me have a soft body which makes it easier to pass! Super!

Doctored

2010-10-23T02:01:00.002-04:00

So while I fidget to get comfy on long wait lists for tg support programs, counselling, and TG experienced physicians, I have a small bit of movement from my current Doctor.

I had the HRT protocols for him, but he's opting instead to refer me to an endocrinologist instead. I suppose I wanted him to say he'd take this adventure on himself, but it makes way better sense to have the professional hormone magicians sparkle dust over me instead.

Regardless, I can't afford it yet. I wonder if a "donate" button would be a good idea for my blog...

Pornstar Vanity Interview

2010-10-17T01:14:00.002-04:00

Vanity is an inspiration, and I was overjoyed to find this interview with her. If anyone has interviews with other transsexual pornstars I would very much like to watch them.

Feminine Voice Training

2010-10-14T16:28:00.002-04:00

Hiyas people!

So on my quest to become a fabulous shemale pornstar there many facets of femininity that I have to drown in. Since it is my thoughts and words that make you gorgeous men feel sooO good you want to sneak me around your girlfriends backs and buy me things, that is something I want to focus really hard on!

Now I'm very blessed to have been a chatty child, and practiced silly voices often. I have several years experience in voice work and radio production, so I understand the basics of making my voice feminine without help. That doesn't change the fact I have to practice practice practice just as much as all of you girls.

Now I've included a few videos below, but I'll go through the basics with you here.

1. Reach for falsetto, not to stay at falsetto, but to learn to speak without resonance.

2. Think about how you want to sound, bimbo or not.. find your own unique voice.

3. Practice. You'll want to use a voice recorder to play it back to yourself.

Now you don't have to buy a fancy recorder, and honestly most smartphones can download apps of voice recording, and most mp3 players have that function. Because I work in sound production already, I have a Zoom Handy Recorder H4n. Very overkill.

CandiFLA is a great resource on youtube for how to train your voice to be feminine. When I found her, thanks to Megan, I was absolutely shocked at how much like me she is. She is very much my end goal for physical appearance, but also she has humour, confidence, and flirtatiousness that I share. One of the most interesting aspects about Candi is that she reverts to male voice frequently. That is very rare, and special, since it shows how deep voiced males can acheive feminine voices despite their starting points.

The following are some of her videos on voice training:

For me, it is very difficult to practice without privacy. My gf is on maternity leave, she is always here, always asking me what I'm doing, always in the same room. I will take my recorder and go outside, but then I'm doing it outside. I'm not sure what a good option is, but I have to find one, if I am to sound feminine when I dress as a woman, for Halloween...

Caught! Without support

2010-10-13T19:02:00.004-04:00

I'm having a really hard time getting the guidance I need to pursue my transformation. Wait lists abound. 9 month wait list here, 1.5 year wait list there, 3 months is so far the fastest. In the meantime, I've been given a list of Hormone Replacement Therapy protocols to provide to my Doctor. If he is up for the quest, he'll prescribe them himself, if not, I've also been given a list of endocrinologists he can refer me to.

It is progress, but it is slow.

I have been having a hard time of it, mostly the continued stress put on my common law partner. She finds my nail polish and it is amusing, she sees me putting it on, and she cries for 24 hours. She finds my dress and its amusing, but I shudder to think how long she would cry if she saw me wearing it.

Cum makes you happy!

2010-10-07T03:39:00.003-04:00

I was overjoyed to read that getting our boipussies full of cum will help us be docile and happy! I look forward to creampie relaxation techniques! Thanks to Orva for finding this tidbit for me!

Ladyboy tush

2010-10-06T01:15:00.002-04:00

Imagefap

2010-10-04T03:10:00.005-04:00

I am so proud of my imagefap profile. I always talk about tending my imagefap garden, and what I mean is that I will go online, find new fans, bookmark new and sexy favourite galleries. What a great place to show off my captions, pics of my heroes, fashion styles I covet, and finally after today... ladyboy porn I intend to emulate.

Imagefap is full of hot-blooded, hungry men who are so very eager to send me sexy messages of praise. I quite like that.

Cybersexuality

2010-10-01T17:30:00.003-04:00

I hadn't really thought about what I was doing all those hours, flirting and fucking with and endless lineup of men on sex chats. I think I was 15 when I first discovered what it felt to be treated nicely by older men. I felt sexy, validated, and became addicted quickly.

Sometimes I would spend 12 hours a day in a constant orgy of group sex, submissive sweetness, and gangbang slutfucking. I never wanted it to stop.

I still don't, but now I want it for real.

When I asked myself what it was that would make me happy, this is what came to mind. How have I chosen to spend my minutes and seconds? Sex. Naturally a career as an adult entertainer is a fitting choice for me.

I don't lie about it, I don't hide it, and I don't care if you judge me. I am pleasantly promiscuous and intend to make money doing it. Men love it, they love spending their money on me, and I love receiving, cock and carats.

How wonderful would it have been if something like in these fantasy captions had come true for me? How many of us are such shining jewels of sexual prowess online, but trapped in boy prison in the physical world? Tila Tequila, Tigerr Benson, Areeya, Paris Hilton.

I'm no different than them.

Your girlfriends are right to worry

2010-09-25T13:32:00.003-04:00

It is no surprise to anyone who knows me, that I like men. I love how you delicious men sneak me around your girlfriends and wives' backs, your dirty ladyboy secret.

You know you should quit me, but its hard like a drug, and so you move from room to room, desktop to laptop just to get more time with your girl on the side.

Do you think she knows? Does she suspect its another girl you're talking to on your iphone across the couch from her?

I'm stealing you from her, and you want me to. You want to give me your money and ignore your silly wife. Girls are a bore, you want ladyboys for life!

Shoe stretching works!

2010-09-23T14:18:00.002-04:00

The results are in, and those fabulous shoes you see below? They fit now. I'm so happy my gorgeous foot candy looks soOOo good on me now and totally doesn't hurt as much.

Any girls thinking about getting shoes but they wonder if they will stretch, well using this fine gizmo they surely will!

http://www.amazon.com/High-Heel-Shoe-Stretcher-Womens/dp/B000PS11J6/ref=pd_sbs_hpc_1

I love Amazon! Some of you totally smart men are giving me gift cards to amazon.com, which is absolutely encouraged!

I'm getting such cute dresses and shoes. The more you spend the happier I am. I know you just want to cum so sweetly when you spend your money on me.

Someday I am going to roll around on a bed covered in men's cash.

My 1st Shoes

2010-09-22T10:51:00.003-04:00

I had such a terrific surprise come in the mail recently! Fabulous shoes! I'm so thankful to Paul for sending me such gorgeous shoes! I tried them on and they are soOO fabulous! I definitely think in the near future I will parade around on a video in them. They are just so mei!

I think its just really important for men to spend their money on me. It makes me feel soOo good, and I know I make men feel so good. Sexy symbiosis!

Lounging Around

2010-09-16T04:07:00.000-04:00