Captions!

I used to make captions. I do from time to time, but lately I haven't had the bandwidth in my day to do so. I like being creative and if I don't have outlets to express myself creatively I go into depression. That and sex. Need that too or I go into depression.

I expect as the season changes and progress remains on pace towards estrogen, this winter will be a difficult one for me. I will try to rely on sex and creativity to carry me through, as my trusty virtues always have in the past.

I've actually made a lot of captions, so I'm going to slowly reveal some in between updates on my life. Sometimes I'll have something to say along the theme, other times not.

I always love hearing what you think. If anyone can help me set up formspring I'd appreciate it. Maybe the hypnosis is getting to me, I have trouble focusing on html and technological language lately.

Throbbing

Feels good to have something inside, minutes of boipussy joy trumps hours of ridiculous stroking.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

I feel calm, docile, at ease when I'm dressed properly. Everything just relaxes into syrup and pours over the world like gentle rain.

I went to see my friends and catch a movie, but before we went we tried on all the stuff I had purchased recently from Le Chateau (read: Mecca).

It is so fun to try on outfits with my sistas, showing off, modeling, and inevitably I stare at myself in the mirror.

My friends laughed at me, constantly staring at myself in the mirror. I'm really vain, totally in awe of myself when I'm dressed.

Do you also find you are more vain than women? I don't mean anything by it, I just drift off and turn and pose and stare at myself in my outfits. It is only when a black finger turns my chin towards a gaze that I snap back to attention, but without supervision my focus returns to the mirror.

Doctors Orders

I have had my first Doctor's appointment since beginning Spironolactone three weeks ago and it was interesting. My usual Doctor is away on vacation, and in his stead is a young, tall, gay Doctor who is doing co-op hours I think. He's eager and going extra miles that most Doctors wouldn't.

He was new to me, so he asked a lot of the usual introduction questions. The appointment ended up being about my sexuality, sexual experiences, blood tests for the hormone levels and potassium levels, and Doctor's orders...

He told me I need to go get fucked by men. It is difficult to go and get fucked by all the men in the universe when my boobs are fake and I'm not living full-time fabulous yet, but it is very difficult not to have boyfriends and sex since I need it so much.

The Doctor suggests that I try having sex even just dressed and do it lots so I am making an informed decision when jumping into hormones, orchiectomy, and face lifts and such.

Who will help me with my Doctor's orders? LoL.

Bye Bye Bananas

I tried to blog this a few times earlier in the month but my home life situation has become really busy with house guests. Not a great way to find dildo time, let me tell you!

I've been on Spironolactone for three weeks now and while I think most of this is in my head, I do notice some changes. Of course I am peeing more. I also feel more tired at the end of the day, though that could be due to having a 9-5 boycage day job.

My princess doesn't get hard as easily anymore, which I am pleased about. She can still get hard and have orgasms, but most of the time I just diddle and don't make cummies anyways, I just like the flirting with people and sexy mind.

The biggest change is that I feel more docile. I feel more pleasant, everyone is noticing me smiling more, seeming more happy, I'm slower to anger, slower to worry, and I don't even get road rage ^_^.

The thing with Spironolactone is that you must be careful about Potassium intake. It is a Potassium sparing diuretic, meaning it pees out all the vitamins and minerals and waste and stuff, but it doesn't pee out Potassium.

That doesn't seem like a big deal at first, but for someone like me who loves a big banana in my mouth, it can be dangerous. I'm having a banana twice a week now, and pending blood work, I will step it up to once every three days, then two days. I want to be safe but I gotta have big yellow in my mouth!

Laser by Compassion

I had my first laser hair removal session yesterday at an Asian spa. I just feel safer confiding in other Asians, go figure. The woman is quite kind to me, as are her associates. I've made a point of telling people I meet up front that I'm trans. While I may not look the part yet, I have no desire to keep this secret from new contacts. I have enough existing contacts that do not know yet.

The procedure was very straight forward. I shave the area three days earlier, in this case my Brazilian and bikini regions, and then she slathers me up with gel, puts eye covers on me, and zaps the follicles.

There wasn't much pain at all. It felt like tiny needles, very similar to acupuncture. The moments of discomfort were brief and there was no aching or redness afterwards. I am very pale and redness happens every time I shave.

I bought more units, and we talked about my documentary briefly. We can discuss that further later, I didn't want to get into at the moment with her, but she is kind and in 15 days I will shave my entire lower body and go back for another treatment.

I think this is going to be an effective and affordable way of tackling this issue. I will begin anti androgens this week, which will also help, but the lady said that because I have not been shaving these areas for much of my life as vigorously as genetic females do, the hair will be less difficult to eliminate. I shall be smooth and pale forever, wuahahahaha!

If you have questions about laser hair removal, I will attempt to answer them. Also I forgot to mention on my last blog post but thank you SO much for the kindess you've shown me and my friend. Her situation is incurable but Doctor's say she may be able to live for many years before experiencing any symptoms.

Cosmetic Conferences

I had a pretty great opportunity to go to a lecture a renown US Doctor in the Feminization field was putting on. It was a good time to ask some questions, meet some others like me, some who had had some great work done, and also to see a power point presentation showing lots of before and after shots of trans women he had worked on.

I'm really encouraged by the experience. The price tag aside, it confirms my feelings about what is possible and how fabulous I will be. It is also interesting to learn what aspects a Doctor sees within me already that can be enhanced, and what parts need work that I hadn't anticipated.

It appears my eyes are already very Asian, but I was pleasantly surprised to meet someone like me, who feels they were meant to be Asian as well, and we had a nice conversation. The Doctor helped her achieve a more Asian heritage look and she and I are pleased. He says he has never met any others aside from she and I who feel this urge.

I also found it fascinating that many individuals, including the aforementioned Asian inspired new half, wanted to have work done so they could more easily straddle the gender line and pass as male or female when required.

I know a lot of people have strong feelings about cosmetic surgery and the pressure society places on genetic and non genetic females to look pleasing and adhere to standards of beauty. Without denial, I think there needs to be more understanding for those non genetic females who do not come out of the box looking feminine. There were girls at the lecture last night that did not require any work to look more beautiful than 99.9% of woman ALREADY.

What really matters though, and what I look forward to, is passing. I want to look like a woman so I can express my creativity and fashion. It is the imagination of the individual that decides whether others will find them attractive or not. I do not mean "eye of the beholder" I mean inception. Showbiz doesn't end on broadway, and if you want to be perceived a certain way you must take appropriate action.

Business, Illness, and Shoes

I hazard to say it: it has been awhile.

I've been a good little worker bee in my boy cage. It isn't a horrible job. In fact I like the problem solving nature of it. I'm in a safe place and I'm starting to see who I can trust and who I can't. I'm also beginning to give hints to the potential allies and a yummy boy.

When it rains it pours. A freelance writing job fell in my lap, a radio show for a particularly famous and gorgeous black musician and businessman. Then another one prompted for a radio show. So I'm bringing in pretty decent cash on the side, all going into my corporation for my lady fabulous documentary.

It is really hard when you're in the sadness to see how things will improve. I couldn't have called this, but things are beginning to improve.

I've got an old lady car now, comfy Buick. Its getting me around and my social is improving. Just in time since my friend has been diagnosed with lymphoma. This is my black bff who was the first person I told and the first person to give me pretty little sissy orgasms through my boipussy. I don't know what to do... I feel like all I can offer is sex sometimes, and that doesn't help here.

Oh yes, I also have fabulous shoes. They fit and I feel great in them.

So how's that for a whirlwind?

Shemale Webcomic

On the subject of TG art, I've got two friends who separately want to make a web comic with me featuring some lady fabulosity. Quite right!

One is a serious comic book sort of stuff, and the other is a pulp fiction sex fetish romp. In both cases we want a simple and sexy style that doesn't overwork the artist and doesn't roll eyes with the enormity of dicks and tits... unless the scene calls for it.

They are solid ideas, and I'd like to make a serious go of them, but I'll need an artist! There isn't any money involved but credit goes where credit is due and so interested artists leave a comment and let's do this thang!

Thanks to Yaya Han for illustrating my point today.

TG Art

I think its great that there is so much art online to help us visualize fantasies we otherwise couldn't without the help of Industrial Light and Magic.

Even better it is nice to see transgender art out there. The interesting thing is the TG art that is being drawn isn't really something most transwomen can relate to! It really shouldn't be much of a surprise that a large percentage of transwomen find it unpleasant to do the "pitching" in a sexual relationship. Many of us would rather die than put our thingy in someone's thingy. Many of us seek SRS/GRS to change our penis into a vagina, and sadly a great number of us will do damage to our peniseseses before we get to that point.

Why then does TG art almost entirely depict transwomen as being enormously endowed? Not only would that be enough to send many transwomen into depression, but the TG art also has transwomen taking macho, masculine, and aggressive sexual positions with practically everyone, including their own Amazonian selves.

I'm not saying make less of this, heck if this is what people want, make it. I'm just surprised that there isn't more TG art that flatters the desires of transwomen. I identify as third sex, not female, so I won't be getting SRS/GRS but that doesn't mean I can look at some of this art and relate easily. I may be able to envision myself being a wicked ninja lady, but once the godzilla cock is visible, my suspension of disbelief is removed.

What I'm saying is we need more! I would love to see TG art that flatters the hearts and minds of transwomen. I would frankly love to see me in art form, lol.

I will say that I get a sort of ironic pride in that transwomen and genetic women now share a gripe where our rolemodels in comics and art largely do not represent our hopes and aspirations.

Wonder Woman, meet whatever the heck this is below.