Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Blast off!

I'll be blasting off tomorrow, a long trip from Toronto to Tokyo and then towards Bangkok. I hope I see the islands of Japan as I land for the layover. I hope the wifi is good in the hotel in Bangkok lol!

I don't really have a major update... yet, save to say I'm going to Thailand, I've said my goodbyes. I'll update you from Thailand soon!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Alone in a family

In four days I fly to Thailand to have surgeries. When I return I will be full-time. My family is financing my boobs, basically. They have been supportive, but this week they have made it clear that they do not respect or appreciate my lifestyle choices. I can change gender, but I still cannot be myself.

I cannot help that I am a slut. I cannot help that I want to do porn and that financially we sort of need it. I feel today like the bond with my family is broken. I don't trust them, and I don't feel a connection.

If I could go back in time, I would have run away. I didn't transition because of family expectation. They didn't know I was trans, but when I turned eight my Dad left and every family member grabbed me by the shoulders and told me, "You've got to be the man now. You've got to take care of your family." That stress drove me into hiding. If I were to run away, to know then that my family would never embrace who I am, just the box I come in, I would have had a very hard life but that life would have been mine.

As of today, I'm not going to come back to Canada.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Ultimo update blast!

I've been a bad girl by not updating you sooner. I'm storming towards Thailand and have had a cacaphony of troubles on the way. Let's discuss a few.

OSAP decided to re-assess Jen's student loan, down not up, which now puts us in a difficult financial position on the precipice of Thailand. I had to give 1k of the 10k for my surgeries for security deposit and 1st two weeks on the daycare for our daughter. I won't get that money back in time, so now I won't be paying bills this month.

The camera isn't mine, it is a dear friend and business partner's. His insurance will not cover the camera if he is not with it, and since he can't make it to Thailand, I've been scrambling to find insurance to secure I'll have it. Without the camera, I have no documentary, ergo the Doctor wouldn't pay for my hotel, I wouldn't be able to afford all the surgeries because I'd be paying for two weeks in a hotel, and it collapses from there.  Today I was able to secure insurance through my own company if I take ownership of the camera equipment. Things keep getting expensive.

I'm not immune to Hepatitis. I had shots when I was in high school but it turns out some people can be non responsive to the vaccine. Thus, it's like I never had it. There isn't enough time to before exposure to have a booster shot so I'm going in unprotected.

I was informed by several official Thailand organizations that there is a "high probability" that I will be abducted into sex trafficking if I am left alone. Thankfully my brother is coming with me, but he does speak often of leaving me in the hotel room while he goes swimming in the pool. I would be quite the commodity, being the white tigress of ladyboy sex harlots I suppose.

I was approached by LiveJasmin to be a webcam model, lured by the promise of earning up to $1000 a week. Since I was planning on doing webcam work when I return and heal, this seems very fortuitous. I will check other companies as well, since I'm not entirely enamored with how little of my revenue I would be bringing home. These boys be pimps.

I have a coupon for pole dancing lessons that was gifted to me from a coworker. I called today and they are very eager to have me participate, which puts my mind at ease. If you know of trans-inclusive salsa dancing and yoga studios in the Greater Toronto Area please let me know.

Jen has begun school studying early childhood education. For her first research paper she has chosen her topic to be transgender children. I am very proud of her. Also I'm very relieved because that's a sure sign she's beginning to cope and accept me! Please forward me articles, documentaries, and books about transgender children if you find any.

Inappropriately, a picture:

I'm having surgery in 8 days.
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