Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Crossdreaming of a Better World

I am wondering why you focus on the crossdreamer term. It is relatively new and that community is still settling. There has been discussion by a small number of folks who are pushing the fetish theory very hard, but they seem to be being told off. I just hate to see a term floated and embraced initially by folks who are not in the fetish theory camp lose it's intended meaning because of a few bad apples.

Crossdreaming to my knowledge does not in any way mean that being transgender is a fetish, there just happen to be fetish theory folks operating in the crossdreaming space. Crossdreaming was intended as a term for folk who have trans feelings but feel that medical intervention or other physical expression of their feelings was not appropriate for them. Folks in that category have generally not been welcome to discuss their feeling in trans identified spaces. It is not all just what gets you off, as the fetish theory folks say, it is about how you feel in a variety of ways.

This is the problem within the larger community... always someone trying to say the other guy is just a pervert, so everyone ends up with strange stilted discussions and scrolling through reams of fiction and captions to find the few things that match their experience or desires alone.

You're right, I should not be specifying Cross dreamers. Thanks for bringing this up, and I apologize.
However, I don't think it is fair to say it is a small number of cross dreamers that are pushing negative and damaging autogynephilia theories. I don't have specific numbers but the reason I tagged cross dreaming in the transphobia post, albeit unfairly as you pointed out, was because it seems very common that the two are connected.

I've read comments from cross dreamers that they feel marginalized by others in the transgender community. I think there is a lot of internal fighting going on even in the larger LGBT community, and none of it is helpful. That said, I hardly think cross dreamers are marginalized any more by transsexuals than they marginalize transsexuals. Transphobia is so deeply internalized in the cross dreamer community that they do not recognize how damaging and unacceptable it is to fetishize becoming a “real girl” and then place negative value-judgements on, insult, and attempt to  censor and ostracize “that shemale stuff”.

That shemale stuff is so gay.

The absolute best example I can give, that might exist on the internet is TF-Media, and the vast majority of its fans, contributors, and captioners. The old site is dead, but a new blog has risen, and there are so many bloggers out there that are part of this deeply transphobic and almost entirely cross dreaming gang. I was there very briefly, and my content was summarily rejected by the site administrator EXPLICITELY for being gay. Gay. Transgender issues, to TF-Media and EVERY SINGLE SUPPORTOR BY EXTENTION... are gay. 

This is autogynephilia. 

This is transphobia. 

This is cross dreamers. 

You’ll hear lots of applause for TF-Media, and that’s applause from transphobic people. They don’t think they are, but they are.

If you want other examples, look to the sites I mentioned before: havens, sanctuaries, and a whole lot of confessions on blogs. This is the cross dreaming community, and this is where transphobic remarks are found, and this is not generally where transgender content is accepted.

So you are correct, not all cross dreamers are transphobic. Too many are.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Ask Mei: Genitals


 I totally agree with you about the validation, I go online and do video chat. I just like to tease the boys despite the fact that I still feel very heterosexual. It just makes me feel fantastic to be desired.  As for stories I read I think it’s the process of the feminization of the body that gets me every time shaven legs, plucked brows and sometimes hormones. Also I love the loss of control in some stories, ya know the "she made me do it so mentally my hands are clean of wrong doings but I still get to experience it"

A little background info on me I'm in my thirties now with a wife and kids (wife knows and is supportive of me) .So transitioning for me is going to be difficult at best.

Here's another question for ya!  I love to look feminine and act femme but I also love having a penis. I've read a lot of people that transition hate their genitalia but I don't and I don't have any interests in men....but I still love the idea of being in a females body... did I break my brain or am I literally in the middle a gender grey area. 

inny or outy, ladies be ladies


I'm in a common-law relationship, or now defunct one, with a 2 year old daughter. Transition in a relationship was a mixed blessing. We are family now, not a couple in my case. We are here together to support each other and raise our daughter, but tensions often run high. My daughter has accepted it entirely. I leave it to her to decide what to call me; I feel no need to pressure my child.

While having body dysphoria is often part and parcel of being differently gendered, it doesn't have to take a focused form of having your genitalia. I do not have strong negative feelings towards my little lolipop. I do not use it in the traditional sense, and will never ever top someone but that does not mean that she is masculine or something I hate. I feel she is feminine, and she is cute and small and limp. She is part of my journey. Granted wearing certain outfits and catching a breeze head-on gives me away, but that's life. If I feel the pressure to remove my genitals in order to be more congruent and stealth in society at some point I may consider it, but as of right now I'd like to get an orchiectomy, but keep my dicklet.


Sunday, July 29, 2012

Ask Mei: Feminization fantasies


I have a few questions and I'm interested in your point of view.

For me being fem and the fantasies I have had seemed like one thing to me all rolled up but lately I've kinda parted them in two. There's the kinky side with feminization involved but there is my non sexual dressing up because I love it and I love being a lady (as close as I can get anyways.)

Do you separate the sexual desires with transgenerdness or are they one in the same. Or misinterpreted sexual nature all of one with both genders. I have no idea.


OMG great question! Thanks for asking me, and I'm super proud you wish to hear my POV.

They are two things for me, and that being said, I actually do not feel any sexual interest in feminization, so they are actually one thing. I require constant validation of my femininity, and I feel positive, uplifted, and excited when I receive that validation, but I wouldn't say that is the sexual focus, it just makes me feel sexy. That's true of many girls though, being validated for being feminine and sexy gets people feeling sexy!

I find concepts that seem included in feminization sexy, but since feminization implies I'm not feminine enough, I actually find it negative and a buzz kill. This is personally speaking of course. It wasn't always that way either, but it was more of a hopeful feeling than a sexual one, and again it was the surrounding concepts that excited me.

Coercion, seduction, corruption, D/s and playing with themes of sexuality and the ending of innocence. These are some of the elements that make up feminization. I find them deliciously exciting, and that was always what I loved about my captions and the work of others. If the focus was just "yeah, I'm female now so I wear (insert detailed clothing description)" it totally lost my attention.

I think if you are feeling a divide between the sexiness of feminization and the general comfort and positive natural feeling of being feminine you might want to consider exploring your gender identity in an official capacity. That's what I did when I realized I couldn't continue as a male, being unhappy when I felt just so darn happy and relaxed in heels and colourful dresses, being referred to as female.

sparkles and rainbows,

Thursday, July 26, 2012

I Want to be Relevant

I'm very happy to be talking to some really talented people about doing photo shoots in the coming weeks. A comment by the always fabulous Betty in the previous post touched on part of why I want in this crazy porno game.

I want to be relevant.

It can often be difficult to find transgender porn content that has the same charm and creativity as the best of its cisgender equivalents. Sample size is likely to blame, but I'm open to other theories.

A lot of the content that does exist is oppressive in nature. "Trannies" that are naked or will be in moments, with viagra-fueled erections to stuff in all the curious males. Conversely there are the fragile and feminine ladyboys who get that dick inside them by the same guys in the same hotel rooms.

Exceptions do exist! In greater frequency as well. Young Asian Trannies make remarkable use of colour, Bailey Jay bring the nerd girl super power to an America too content with the same old. I want to be another example of transgender content that uses colour and expresses something beyond the fuck.

There will be fucking involved, of course, but my creative and sexual expression should stand out and resist oppressive male view. Basically I want my porn decidedly feminist. That doesn't mean dominant, it doesn't mean bitchy. It means behind the camera and in front, this isn't going to be run by men.

Men are welcome to be involved, of course. I'm happy to work with everyone. I'm talking about male view. The idea that the models should be super thin, with specific looks and postures that diminish quality in favour of something decidedly contrived and played out.

If you're looking to learn more about feminist porn and resisting male view google is your friend. I'm not playing by an6yy set of feminist rules either, I aim to do things my way. I don't figure I'll get rich but I don't care. I just want my creativity to be relevant to change.

To that end, my imagefap profile was a featured one yesterday. How fun!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012


I'm not gonna go into a super long rant this time. I was over the moon impressed by the comments on Fetlife in the Ask a Transgender Person a Question. I recommend signing up if you haven't already, and I recommend joining the group and reading up on one of the most misleading and damaging theories transgendered people face.


I'll leave the explanation of Autogynephilia to the following abstract from the below linked journal.

Autogynephilia is a paraphilic model that states that all male-to-female (MtF) transsexuals who are not exclusively attracted toward men are instead sexually oriented toward the thought or image of themselves as a woman. The assertion that transsexual women are sexually motivated in their transitions challenges the standard model of transsexualism—that is, that transsexuals have a gender identity that is distinct from their sexual orientation and incongruent with their physical sex. This article provides a review of the evidence against autogynephilia and makes the case that the taxonomy and terminology associated with this theory are both misleading and unnecessarily stigmatizing.


I don't like Autogynephilia and I do not like cis and hetero normative men telling me what I am and what I am not unless it involves me being a slut or me being a good girl. I don't like being told what makes me me.

When I went to CAM-H for the gender identity clinic, which is a farce, I was told I am a gender dysphoric, histrionic, nympomaniac who should think harder about my life. I have thought harder, and I'm working harder still to make things come true for me.

I know I've been a bit preachy lately and so I'll return to our regularly scheduled slut-isms. Expect more opinions from this diva, because I'm living with nonsense mindsets like Autogynephilia every day and it is as dangerous and poorly designed as blatant Bible thumping.

I'm looking for a makeup artist to work on the upcoming photoshoot. It will involve nudity and lesbian D/s themes. It won't include men because that would certainly turn into a porn shoot and that isn't the goal of this photoshoot. Gangbangs be later yo! Now a pic.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Mei @ Work

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Crossdreaming and Transphobia

I recently have been having a conversation with someone questions continue to center around my sexual arousal to feminization, when it diminished, and is it because in becoming female I have over saturated my fetish. This is the thought process of a cross dreamer.

What I find so upsetting about cross dreamer rhetoric is how transphobic and disingenuous it is to suggest that all transgender issues can be boiled down to fetish. I have absolutely nothing against people who find feminization sexually exciting. The problem is there is a growing and vocal group of individuals who are quite committed to the idea that there is no possible other reason that someone would feel urges to be a gender other than the one they were given at birth.

These individuals, who mostly identify as straight, cisgender males who just happen to get rocks off fantasizing about being women, think transgender people, such as myself, are just confused about our sexual fantasies and are taking this fetish of ours, feminization, to an extreme level.

This is as offensive and ass-backwards as gays who might say transwomen just can't accept they are gay so they try to be feminine to cope mentally and feminists who might accuse transwomen of being caricatures of women and really just working for patriarchal agendas.

I have no problem with people being sexually attracted to the fantasy of being feminized. I have no problem with people partaking in feminization practices like cross dressing. I have a huge problem with people making transphobic comments into seemingly legitimate "thought-provoking" psychology today inspired articles that demonize alternative gender identities and sexuality.

I've been trying really hard to keep quiet on this topic but for whatever reason the community that my blog is a little star in the cosmos of has an ever-increasing need to be transphobic and overly apologetic to cross dreamers. Where is this imaginary witch-hunt on cross dreamers happening? What I see is feminization caption sites swarming with captioners and readers who make statements and requests that include:

“I’d totally take the genie’s offer, but only if I could be a real woman.”

“I’m not really into that shemale stuff...”

“I like your captions, but I’d rather not see a chick with a dick, ya know?”

“I'm very sorry to say that "Memory Lane" is too close to TG for me to include on the site. I don't want to be in the position where people send me lots of stories of a subject I don't understand.”

Those are transphobic statements. You’d need a calculator to tally up how many transphobic comments have been made on community sites like Rachel’s Haven, Feeling Femme Forum, the wonderfully dead TF-Media, and the other forums that weren’t important enough for me to mention. Yawn.

That last one was from mcstories.com where my original version of Memory Lane was rejected because of a long time ban on transgender content on the website. You’re probably asking what most people ask me when they hear about mcstories.com ban on TG content. “Wait a minute: don’t they have a transformation section?”

Yes they do. You see, the webmaster is purporting to understand everything about every story that he accepts on mcstories.com. So he understands being transformed into a dog, and he understands white girl’s being transformed into Asian girls (such as a now not-entirely recent story from Lisa Teez) but he does not, evidentially, understand transformation from female to male. That is the enigma that defeats mcstories.com.

The community itself is deeply polluted with it. I hope this clears up, if even a little, why I find it so difficult to stay in one of these sites for long. Too much straight white privilege doing everything they can to convince themselves they aren’t like tranny on the block. 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

New hair day

I found my first weave to be a great experience, and now I've begun my second. I'll share some of my thoughts on weave experience.

it is expensive. I'm not really sure how I will maintain this. approximately $300 a month is what it will cost me to keep my hair looking fabulous. This isn't likely to be a short term reality either. A pack of hair can cost less, but so far I'm paying $75 a packet of good Remi hair. $150 for the weave, $50 to take the old one out.

It takes about an hour to take a weave out. Then I get to experience orgasmic level pleasure as I wash my hair and scratch my scalp with a zeal that I cannot explain.

Afterwards my head be sore yo, and so when the your hair is being returned to braids, it hurts!

The first few nights of a weave can be painful while sleeping, lots of tightness. It will relax though and you'll do just fine. I put my hair up in a sleep cap each night to keep it in good condition, and whenever possible, avoid getting your hair wet.

Don't pull my hair or I will show what I learned in combat sambo.

Here is the new look. I'm hearing this is better suited to me.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Ask Mei: The test!

Question: Hello, I am sorry if this is a difficult subject but it is something that interests me greatly. I have been wondering how you reconcile the will to feminize one's body with the arousal by self feminization? How might these two facets related over time?

Answer: That is a very good question. The truth is, I do not feel arousal from feminization. When I was really conflicted about my place in the world and what my feelings meant, a friend of mine suggested I take a simple test.

Slip into a pair of panties. Do you get sexually aroused, or do you just feel comfortable? If you are aroused it might be an indication you are a crossdresser, someone who feels sexual arousal from being feminized.

If you do not get aroused and simply feel normal, it may be an indication you are transgendered. In my case, I was not aroused, and began to pursue what transgender might mean further.

Now this isn't hard and fast, but it worked for me and it might be a good place to start.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Boipussy Bling

I was out with the girls today and we stopped by one of the sex shops on Yonge. I couldn't resist picking up this cute little piece of boipussy bling! My hero Tigerr Benson uses one sometimes in her shoots. Now I can do so too!

Friday, July 13, 2012


I'm not really all that familiar with verification processes online. I snapped a pic of me holding my phone up with my name. I hope it counts for places like imagefap.

If nothing else, this verifies to you that I'm who I say I am. Or it should, as if the uploaded video and webcam wasn't enough.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Slut Pride

I feel a major point is being touched on in GhostChip's last comment, and really his entire mentality is very typical of a lot of people. Here is his latest comment:

"I get the fact that not all transexuals are sluts, some of them are very nice people. But what you don't seem to get is if you portray a certain image and people respond concordantly to that image how hypocritical it is to judge them, and then go one further and attempt to publicly shame them for that response. That is why you are a two faced little bitch, that is why you give transexuals a bad name. That is why you can get your boobs done, you can laser your face, do whatever, but you will still be ugly on the inside."

THIS is why Slut Walk exists. Since I am a slut, and a brazenly proud one at that, I must immediately present for a male to insert his cock regardless of interest, location, or time. The expectation is that sluts don't have the same rights as anyone else. That if I indicate interest, I have to follow up within 20 minutes or I'm a fucking loser. In this example, no big deal, just tease the poor cuckold. Unfortunately, in many examples someone gets raped. 

Public shaming: I'm sorry that you feel vulnerable, it wasn't my intention. In fact I took care to remove your profile name, and the date and time stamps so you'd be considered anonymous. I left your cock pic because your cock is gorgeous, and the world always needs more cock.

Back to removing time stamps... it worked against me in this case because you didn't get to see how his "serious" confrontation came minutes after my reply. I am sincere about wanting male models to fuck me on film. I've already done so! I don't think this is about challenging my sincerity, it is about thinking that since I am empowered about my sexuality and very much interested in my slut activities, I must immediately surrender myself without any delay! Asking questions is not acceptable. Prove it! Since you say you're a slut yo must immediately obey or you're a "two faced little bitch who is ugly on the inside!" 

Silly boy, my pussy is filled with rainbows.

Sluts everywhere parade in defiance of these ideas. The ideas that since I do porn I deserve it if I get raped, if I wear tight jeans I must put out on the first date, and the expectation that if I want to have something resembling a conversation in the first couple days of talking to you I MUST BE A TOTAL HYPOCRITE! Under no circumstances should a person be pressured into sex. There are a whole whack of things that people shouldn't be pressured into, but I'm focusing on this one.

I am a slut, and though I did not walk in the past, I will walk in the coming Slut Walks. Now go pull your dick in the corner and know that I'm gonna get gangbanged and you're just going to watch it.


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Mei is Real

I'm over the moon happy now that I am expressing myself. Whether it be at work with clothes or online with my bubblepopmei-nography I get to finally get out of my head and onto page some very important ideas that truly define my identity. 

I hear very often from people, online and in person, that what they like about me is how honest I am about my interests, my feelings, my sexuality. I don't hold back. I suppose I might even be considered brazen. It might interest you to know that some people question my honesty. Some embarassing viewers in this community are skeptical about my blog and my existence. Skeptic = loser in this case. 

Here is an example from today on a certain fetish site.

Am I real? I left my family and flew across the world to get breast implants. I healed in a hospital and came home to transition full-time at an office of over a hundred people in a building of over a thousand, in one of the most culturally diverse cities in the entire world. 

Yes I am real... and I'm awesome.

Mei Hypnotized!

I found a fun place, hypno-fetish.com where I am now a member. I signed up I think on Thursday or Friday, I don't really remember, my whole weekend is a blur. 

I had six hypnotists zonk me out so often that I didn't do much more than swoon as I swiveled in a chair or sank into my king size bed. It felt so good, I feel strung out wanting a fix right now. My room is a complete mess of lingerie, dildos, and baby oil. What did they have me do?! ^_^

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Baby blue

I been waiting to do this outfit up for awhile now! This weekend I'll have my stylist teach me how to rock the pigtails fashion then get ready for me in this with a white tank hitting the T Dot beaches!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Real girls

I always prefer to have lots of flirt and fun with people online, but I sometimes am irked at how much failure there is on the part of men to be able to actually seal the deal. Below is a good example of how not to get laid. You may take notes.

If you are confused as to why the above is a fucked up conversation, you just might be a douchebag. 


Sunday, July 1, 2012


I was downtown Toronto last night for food, friends, and pride. It was a lot of walking in heels but it is so worth it to feel so many stares and feel so many busy hands.

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