Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christmas Mei

I've wanted to take pics of me tangled in Christmas lights for 3 years. Last year I did a photo shoot with Shemale Yum and brought the idea up. They didn't get it at all.

I still would like to do this in a more professional way but for now I'm proud of myself for getting this idea out of my head, despite the low quality webcam pics that are, at times, unflattering.











I'll take this time to remind you that there are some tasty treats on my imagefap and tumblr sites.

I'm super excited about my incoming kitty tail butt plug and neko ears. Several boys are excitedly sending me things and that makes my panties come off mmm mmm!

Monday, December 23, 2013

Hanging Lights

Unpacking is slowly coming along in the new place. In my lovely purple bedroom, there are no overhead lights. I have two little lamps but they don't give nearly enough light. I came up with a lovely idea to have strings of white led holiday lights on my wall as art, year round.


The first attempt was to string them up on the ceiling. Staples were useless on the stucco ceiling for some reason. We tried a web work of strings run from hooks in one wall to the other, tangling the lights on them. That lasted one night, and when I awoke in the morning, I was draped in a web of shiny things.



We decided to get a kajillion little adhesive hooks and  string up the lights on my wall. It lasted a few weeks, but one by one the hooks failed, taking some of the wall with them, and eventually all the lights were on the floor.


I was looking for any solution to get these darn lights to stay up! I went to Home Depot and Rona and asked about lattice, but they wouldn't cut it and it was 4 x 8. Wow way too big! A sweet old lady who works at Home Depot suggested I use the grating that you'd see covering ceiling lights in a restaurant or office. I used a bunch of twist ties and strung up my lights. I really like this. Not only does it keep a strict rectangle shape, but the grating adds additional texture!



Now to get the big Ikea Hovet mirror to put on the wall above my bed.

Friday, December 20, 2013

APPROVED

I GOT MY APPROVAL!

The letter from the government came and so I am now approved to have OHIP cover my SRS for the next 24 months.

The next step is for me to meet with my Doctor, fill out the referrals and medical history, and send it to the Montreal clinic!

Things are moving forward!

In the meantime, I'd like to touch base since its been awhile since I blogged.

I've still been on tumblr, dropping pics on Mondays and Tuesdays, and reblogging porn most days lol. I find the blog posts tend to be really heavy on life content and I have little time to sit down and hammer them out. Tumblr I do from my phone and it takes a moment.

I'll provide more updates and pace them.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Moving On

My darlings, I've been down far too long! I wanted to let you all know that I'm still kicking. I started to come out of depression when I sought out some counselling and just in time for taking charge of the moving arrangements.

I've reached a tentative custody arrangement for my daughter. It isn't as much as I wanted, but it is something. I feel relief at the closure.

I'm painting the new place and preparing it. 2 bedroom apartment I will share with my brother. We move in this Saturday!

Once there, I'll be doing more video work and webcam porn. I will finally be a princess no longer trapped in my tower. If you are local and want to have fun on webcam, hit me up with a comment and let's do make it happen!

Until then, here's a few pics of the new place.




Monday, October 28, 2013

Distressed Daughter

Things are changing pretty rapidly here. We are packing up to move, arguing about custody, things are tense. Daycare says my daughter isn't eating and is quiet, not herself. She hasn't hugged me in weeks.

I'm dying inside and baby mama is being fucking terrible. She wants to prevent me from seeing our daughter, she wants to leave with no custody agreement in place.

I don't know what to do. Why is so much of my life falling apart in order for me to be happy with myself?

Friday, October 25, 2013

Approving pussies

So I had 2 interviews at CAM-H and confirmed that it was the last hoop to jump through. I did it! Yay!

The goal was to provide an update on how I'm doing, make sure I'm mentally stable, have a support system, and then establish informed consent. I've done so!

As far as CAM-H is concerned, unless lightning strikes or a curve ball is thrown, I'm approved. It will be about 6 weeks before their request for funding is sent to the Ministry. Two months or so more before I get the funding letter from the Ministry, and then at that time I can get on the Doc's wait list which is about 6-9 months.

So this time next year, PUSSY!

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

PUSSY quest

I received a letter with my next appointment through CAM-H's Gender Identity Clinic. I meet with two Doctor's shortly, one after the other, where I will be expected to verbally detail my understanding of a few things:

1. The surgical procedures involved in the surgery I'm pursuing (pussy upgrade)
2. My awareness of the medical risks involved
3. My clear and reasonable aftercare plan for recovery (how i'm getting home, whose problem am I when I whine, etc.)

Basically I need to establish informed consent.

I'm excited that I'm once again moving forward with this journey, but my optimism is extremely cautious. I was told I'd be meeting with the head if the program. Instead, I'm meeting with 2 people, one of whom is yet another intern.

The letter also indicates I need to bring my "real life" experience documents... again.

Again!? Seriously?! This reads like repeating steps. How many times do I need to provide all these documents that prove I am a woman before I get the respect to have my surgical decisions determined worthy but a Doctor rather than interns? Do they not keep records?

It's creepy... but it's happening.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Topless Tuesdays

I touched on this before but wanted to reiterate that my tumblr is where I'm posting more pics of me and sexy stuff. I think I'm going to also post the topless tuesdays pics here as well, but all the naughty gifs and stuff are better suited on tumblr.

Last week I had a topless pic of me wearing a masque. I love Halloween and when I saw this it seemed like a good way of keeping anonymous anyone who wanted to join me on webcam. I have had a lot of interest from girls but their stumbling block was revealing their identify. This should solve that in an elegant way.

Of course my tumbr also posts to my twitter, so you can find me there as well! 

@bubblepopmei on twitter
bublepopmei.tumblr.com

Monday, October 14, 2013

Apartment Hunt

I've been searching for an apartment for a few weeks now. My brother and I still need to live together because I can't afford to live on my own. I pretty much feel like a burden.

I make more than he does but my transition costs and child care costs mean I can barely afford to rent a cardboard box let alone an apartment.

Apartment hunting can be a really energizing experience. It was at first. Unfortunately, transphobia rears its ugly head when it comes time to apply.

I've changed most of my ID but my credit history hasn't transferred over yet. I had to disclose to the place we applied to and upon hearing I was transsexual, the owner became sullen. wouldn't make eye contact, and let her son do the talking. Later she emailed me saying she wouldn't be renting the apartment because her son wanted it.. right.

It had a jacuzzi too.




Now we've decided to just leave me off the lease so I don't have to disclose. It was a nice compliment that she didn't know I was trans (I feel like I never pass) but this will at least help to avoid discrimination and ending up homeless.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Child Custody

As I promised, I have more troublesome news to share. Honestly being so overwhelmed emotionally has been helpful in mitigating my sadness regarding not being with the never-was bf. Okay.. maybe it would have been good to have some support during this, but the support I get is largely online, why mess with success...

Baby mama found a place to live. She moves out November 1st, taking our daughter with her. Sure, that's good, now I can invite people over for sex... but she was immediately against sharing custody.

I had come up with a 50/50 custody plan that I put a lot of thought and care into unveiling to her. She replied by waking me up from my sleep begging and grovelling, whining and sobbing at my bed pleading with me not to do this that it isn't fair that she has sacrificed so much. She basically took my lines.

I haven't abandoned her. I have never run never left. I put my life on hold so she could get her permanent residence, get an education, and find a job and a place to live. Now I'm somehow ruining her life by wanting to be a part of my daughter's.

Her solution was that I would see her by picking her up from daycare after work, briefly each night, and she said I could have all weekends. I countered that it isn't reasonable, what if her friends wanted to go to the beach (as they do often). She replied that of course she would take her that weekend. Ah.. it becomes clear.

The next morning she angrily said she was getting a lawyer and that I would not be allowed to see her more than every other weekend, outside of picking her up from daycare (something baby mama isn't in a position to do herself).

By the weekend baby mama had found another day care for our daughter, nearby her work so surprise! I was no longer required to pick her up after day care. Now I wasn't going to see my daughter except for every other weekend.

I'm not sure if I've shared this, but I come from a broken home myself. My parents divorced when I was eight, and Daddy was given every other weekend. I have first hand felt this experience and I am feeling overwhelmingly triggered by this. This kind of custody degrades one parent to being a visitor in the child's life, someone who has essentially no responsibility or impact on their children and who, eventually, becomes a nuisance who is in the way of her daughter's plans to sleep over at her BFFs house. On the flip side, feeling so removed from importance makes it difficult to set aside important events because that kid that you sometimes hang out with needs to come over.

I do not want this for my daughter and I.

I've offered alternatives of one week and every other weekend and even thurs/fri weekly and every other weekend but I'm up against an insane wall. I want to get a mediator but because she doesn't know what that is. she assumes it is some evil trick. Her response is to lawyer up.

So how was your weekend?

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Tumblr Topless Tuesdays

In a continuing effort to reduce my depression, I've been making a point to add topless photos once a week, on tumblr.

Check out Topless Tuesdays each week and please do recommend any fun/silly/sexy ways I can add props to topless webcam pics.

I've also begun doing leg shots. I haven't selected a day for it but Samantha de Savory recommended a little french to roll off the tongue. Lundi Legs, perhaps? I have to think on that.

What I really loved is how a certain cute boy took the pic of my legs I snapped this week while at the office and made it the background of his phone! Finally the iphone is cool!



Through my tumblr, you can see all the posts of me personally at the bottom of the page, under
PIECES OF BUBBLEPOPMEI.COM. Screenshot below.



Monday, October 7, 2013

Single

I'm afraid I'll be having a few downer blog posts to share. I wrestled with whether or not to share them at all, but decided that this is my place to share who I am and how I am feeling so I shall have at!

I had been seeing someone regularly, and enjoying it. A guy who I talked about a few times on my blog I think, but someone I had finally connected with on a regular basis.

We connected. We would talk for hours interspersed with bouts of kissing and fucking. He was the first man I let bareback me. The first I let cum inside me. I'll be straight up, I really began to develop feelings for him.

It makes sense, considering from date one he was talking about wanting a girlfriend, wanting more than just flings, and even going so far as to suggest I move in once his renovations were done.

Then he was gone.

There has been no cataclysmic event, no troubling issue that I am aware of. A man decided to make me develop feelings about him by suggesting he had feelings for me and plans that include me, and then he just stopped texting me back.

I didn't know whether he was alive or dead at first and it was pretty upsetting. He replied that he is alive, but made no comment regarding whether or not we are still seeing each other.

Obviously not since it has been now six weeks since we have seen each other.

Guys, when you have a girl like me who is comfortable with just fucking, why mess with it? Why would you infer that you wanted something more with someone who would happily fuck casually just to vanish later?

Shitty buzz.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

How to be a Trans Ally

From Tumblr, which you should be following here, I re-blogged this great information.


by Cody. <3 p="">
An ally is a person of privilege who supports and advocates for the rights and freedoms of a target group to which they do not belong.  With an ever growing trans* demographic within our community, it’s important for our fellow kinksters of privilege to know how to effectively and sensitively align themselves with trans* folks. There are many general rules for any person of privilege aligning themselves with a marginalized group (meaning people without certain privilege, such as women, people of colour, trans* people, non-heterosexual people, disabled people, and so forth, or any combination of the aforementioned), however there are specific codes of conduct for each of these target groups that one must respect in order to be an informed, respectful, and effective ally. This is not political correctness. This is being a decent, considerate person.
The Gender Binary Myth
The first step to being a trans* ally is doing your best to abolish something that has been ingrained in us from the moment we were born.—that there are two genders. This is simply incorrect. Plenty of people who claim to be trans* friendly will argue that there is male and there is female, and how trans* people identify is an addition to that. This is completely incorrect. Gender is a spectrum. Male and female, while the most commonly occurring gender identities, are neither the only nor the most valid or “real” genders on this spectrum, nor are they so concrete.
How we tend to define male and female is based on what chromosomes you do or do not possess and what genitals you do or do not possess at birth. Babies with a penis and testicles are assigned a male gender, babies with vulva and a uterus are assigned a female gender. Medically speaking, this is already problematic.
People with a combination of male and female physical characteristics are intersex. Intersexuality is when a person cannot be medically defined as distinctly male or female. Often intersex people are raised to be the gender their parents or doctors feel they are “more”, whether by their chromosomes or the simplest mode of surgical alternations. Yes, often doctors of intersex patients will recommend to their parents surgically altering their genitalia to better fit a more binary concept of gender. Even when their natural genitalia poses no immediate or long term health risks.
A trans* person is someone who was assigned a specific gender at birth that does not accurately describe or encompass them. Simply speaking, their doctors/parents got it wrong. A trans man is not a woman and a trans man, he is simply a man. Their identity as a trans man is every bit as valid and real as that of a cisgender man. We must not only remember this, we must perpetuate it. In our language, in our actions, and in how we address one another. 
When you hear the term “men and women” used to define all persons, you need to be thinking to yourself, “But that’s not everyone.” It may seem like a big, pointless effort, but I assure you, the trouble you face in altering your habits to be a better ally is nothing to the trouble it is to be a trans* person in a cis-dominated society.
Similarly, you are not either a man or a woman, or a trans man or a trans woman. This exclusive sort of “trans allyship” is every bit as damaging to the trans* community as straight up transphobia—or rather, it is straight up transphobia. When a person identifies as a gender, any gender, you must take them seriously. You must acknowledge that that gender is every bit as valid as either male or female variants. It doesn’t matter if it seems silly or odd or unlikely to you. This line of thinking is harmful and incorrect. Being an ally means constantly expanding your realm of inclusion and acceptance. If someone identifies as genderqueer, transgender, agender, non-gender, genderless, genderfluid, bois, grrls, third gender, bigender, or any other gender identity under the trans* umbrella, it is your job to simply accept it, respect it, and move on.
Codes of Conduct
Some alterations in our behaviour to be respectful of trans* people are easy. Some take work. Nevertheless, they are important and must never be undermined. Here is a list of some basic do’s and don’t’s for being a good trans* ally (and a generally respectful person).
  • Use preferred titles and pronouns only. If you are unsure of a which pronouns they prefer, ask them as privately and politely as possible. It is far less grievous than ignorantly misgendering them. If you do misgender them, apologize and correct yourself. Even when this person isn’t around, you must refer to them correctly. Misgendering or mislabeling even when someone isn’t around is transphobic behaviour.
  • If someone’s gender isn’t evident to you, do not ask them to disclose it. This is very rude. Asking for pronouns is one thing, passing judgment on how a person presents themselves is another. How would you feel if you got asked every day whether you’re a girl or a boy? Try to pick it up through context or conversation. If you become comfortable around each other, the situation may arise where it’s appropriate to politely ask, “Do you have a preference on how I refer to you gender-wise?” Again, as politely and privately as possible.
  • Referring to someone as a gender they are not is as harmful as outright misgendering them. “You were such a pretty girl,” is very offensive. That person was never a girl, they were simply assigned that label. This causes dysphoria and implies they were something and are now something else.
  • Do not inquire as to a person’s gender before their transition or before they came out. No asking about what they looked like, how they were referred, their former name, or anything to that effect. This is invasive and often painful. If the information is not given voluntarily, it is not yours to know.
  • Avoid scrutiny when trying to determine someone’s gender. It may be a natural reaction to look a little longer at a gender ambiguous person on the street or at a party. Try to catch yourself or stop yourself from doing it in the first place. It may not seem like a big deal to you, especially when the person in question has no idea you’re looking, but it is still an example of transphobic and invasive behaviour. You would feel insulted if someone was staring at you trying to figure out “is that a he or a she?” so try not to do that to others.
  • You wouldn’t ask a cisgender person about their genitals. Don’t ask a trans* person. I can’t believe I even have to disclose this. This includes questions or comments about whether they have had surgery, will have surgery, or their thoughts on getting surgery. Do not ask if they are taking/want to take/will be taking hormones. Super rude and not your business.
  • Don’t ask trans* people if/how they have sex. Again, super rude and not your business.
  • Don’t assume the only way someone can transition is through surgery/hormones. Transitioning is a huge process that encompasses many alterations to one’s life. Medical transition is simply one part of it. 
  • Do NOT assume all trans* people feel “trapped in the wrong body”. This is an oversimplification and is not experienced by all trans* people. 
  • Don’t assume that trans men are wholly exempt from male privilege, or that trans women don’t experience very real misogyny.
  • Avoid comments on someone’s appearance based on their gender that you wouldn’t make to a cisgender person. Comments on how “well” a person “passes” or how they “do/don’t really look like ____” are very demeaning. They aren’t passing as anything. They are who they are whether you choose to see it or not.
  • Instead of saying someone was born a man or a woman, say they were assigned that gender at birth. This is more correct and far less offensive as trans* people are born exactly as they are—their identities were simply not recognized.
  • Never use derogatory terms such as tranny, shemale, he-she, etc. Even in jest. Even when there are no trans* people around. Note: Many trans* people actively try to reclaim these words. Just because a person uses them to refer to themselves does not give you the right to use it.
  • Avoid fetishizing trans* people. Check yourself and how you phrase things. Phrases like, “Trans girls are so hot!” is othering and demeaning. Trans* people are every bit as valid and normal as cisgender people and vary among one another every bit as much as cisgender people. Appreciating someone’s gender is not the same thing as defining them by it.
  • Sexual orientation and gender identity are two very, very different things. Do not make any assumptions about a trans* person’s sexual orientation and do not ask invasive questions regarding it. Again, you wouldn’t ask a random cis person if they’re gay, straight, or what have you, what makes you think it would be okay to ask a trans* person?
  • Sometimes aspects of trans* genders can be confusing. Why someone chooses or does not choose to have surgery. Why a trans man is still in a relationship with a lesbian. Why an agender person prefers gender specific pronouns. It’s important to remember that trans* people do not exist as educators. They have to deal with explaining themselves constantly. If you truly wish to be informed, take steps to educate yourself. Don’t expect others to do it for you. How a person expresses their gender is personal. If personal information is not offered voluntarily, assume it is not your business.
  • Do your best to be accommodating. If you have a business or you’re in charge of public bathrooms, provide a gender neutral or “family” option. Do not berate trans* people for using gender specific bathrooms contrary to their assigned gender at birth. Some trans* people have no issue with this while for others, simply going to the bathroom can be very unsafe and distressing. It’s not hard to put up a sign saying “unisex” or “family”.
  • Avoid referring to people as either male or female. Use terms such as “all genders” instead of “both genders”. Plural instead of dual. This may seem like semantics, but when your existence is excluded from every day speech or when referring to people as a whole, it can be very dehumanizing.
  • Never, ever, ever out a trans* person without their permission. This means disclosing that they are trans*, in transition or fully transitioned. Not only is this extremely disrespectful, it is potentially extremely dangerous. It also invalidates their identity by taking their power over it away from them. Be conscious of your surroundings when discussing a trans* person or people, in case you are in a hostile, transphobic environment. And remember, there is a difference between being supportive of a trans* person’s decision over whether or not to come out, and imposing yourself upon that decision. If someone says they are not ready, they are not ready. Respect that.
  • Above of all, what you must remember is that how a person identifies is not about you. Ever, at all. Do not make it about you with how “hard” it is to adjust to someone transitioning. When those thoughts arise, remind yourself, “This is not about me. This is about respecting people.” As a cis person and a trans* ally, when a trans* person points out that something you are doing/saying/perpetuating is transphobic or problematic, your job isn’t to argue or go on the defensive. Your job is to reevaluate that behaviour and figure out how being around you can be made a safer space for trans* people. This includes being understanding of when trans* people prefer exclusively trans* environments and spaces.

Terminology
I cannot stress this enough: words are important. If you are corrected for misgendering someone, for using an incorrect term or a term incorrectly, it is your job to apologize and correct this behaviour. Yes, you will sometimes be met with hostility. Yes, it may cause confrontation. This is a reaction to constant invalidation and ignorance. Understand this. Respect it. The best you can do is work on educating yourself so you will be equipped with the correct terminology when the situation arises.
Agender/Genderless/Non-Gender is an identity some people have when they have no specific gender, or gender does not apply to them. Some feel this is a gender in and of itself, and some do not, and/or omit a gender identity entirely when describing/defining themselves.
Androgyny is a label for qualities exhibited by a person that cannot be assigned as distinctly masculine or distinctly feminine. Some androgynous people still identify as cis and some do not.
Assignment of gender is when a person is prematurely assigned a male or female gender, typically at birth or as a presumption based on their physical characteristics. Sometimes it works out that a person is the gender assigned to them, sometimes it does not. The acronyms trans* people tend to use when referring to gender assignment are AMAB (assigned male at birth) and AFAB (assigned female at birth).
Cisgender/Cissexual simply describes someone who is not trans*. The prefix cis (along the side of [assigned gender]) is the opposite of trans (across/beyond [assigned gender]). Specifying cis rather than simply omitting trans* is confirmation that cis is not the normal or the default, it’s simply cis, and therefor trans* is not the abnormal or the “other”. 
Coming out can have two meanings. For non-transitioned people, it usually means coming out that you are trans*, and that your gender is not the one others have been perceiving you as. For a transitioned person, it usually means coming out as trans*, and that the gender you are perceived as is not the gender you were assigned at birth.
Crossdressing is the act of someone wearing clothing and sometimes adopting mannerisms perceived as those of the “opposite sex”. Crossdressing is not necessarily related to gender or sexual orientation. Some cis people crossdress, some straight people crossdress, and a combination thereof. Crossdresser has more or less replaced the term transvestite.
Dissociation is the sense of disconnect from some aspect of your physical or psychological circumstances. Dissociation for trans* people psychologically usually refers to a disconnect of socialized behaviours or norms, while physical dissociation is a disconnect with physical attributes. For example, a trans man dissociating with his breasts, or a trans woman dissociating with her penis. Some people who experience dissociation make alterations accordingly, and some do not.
Drag is more of a theatrical form of crossdressing, in that the person in drag is usually performing. Women are referred to as drag kings and men as drag queens. Many kings and queens may be queer or trans*, but not all.
Dysphoria, not unlike dissociation, in this sense, is having deeply negative sentiments or connotations related to one’s gender or sex, or a profound discomfort with aspects of their bodies or socially acceptable behaviours. This may lead to averse reactions to being misgendered, mislabeled, or treated in a way that is disrespectful or in disregard to their gender. (Note: Not to be confused with “gender identity disorder” or symptoms of this “disorder”. This is extremely invalidating and an incorrect line of thinking. The solution to gender related dysphoria should be to make it easier for a person to assume their gender, not encourage them to “accept” their assigned gender at birth.)
Femininity refers to qualities that may be described as womanly or typically ascribed to women. 
Female-to-Male (FtM, F2M) is a term for men whose bodies were initially assigned female. Many FtM men undergo medical and/or social transition, as the acronym implies.
Gender is a sociological set of boundaries and signifiers that tend to describe people as masculine, feminine, androgynous, or some combination thereof. 
Gender binary is an incorrect dual concept of gender upheld by many people and institutions. It infers that people are either masculine or feminine, or, more specifically, either men or women.
Gender identity is the psychological state of being a member of a certain gender. Gender is identified by a person’s internal perceptions. It cannot be defined physically or behaviourally, though many physical attributes and social norms are commonly grouped into various genders, and are therefor often subscribed to by people of those genders.
Gender neutral qualities are those that typically can’t be assigned as either feminine or masculine. Some (definitely not all) examples of gender neutral pronouns are:
  • they/them: They laughed. I love them. Their cat purred.
  • ze(sometimes zie or sie)/zir(sometimes hir): Ze laughed. I loved zir. Zir cat purred. (pronounced zee/zeer/hear)
  • xe/xyr/xem: Xe laughed. I love xem. Xyr cat purred.
  • ey/eir/em: Ey laughed. I love em. Eir cat purred.
Gender presentation is how a person chooses to exhibit gender. Usually how they dress, look, or behave. For example, drag kings who use stick on beards are attempting a masculine gender presentation.
Gender roles are a set of social expectations assigned to various genders. They can often be harmful, especially when one seeks to venture outside of one’s assigned gender roles, though they can also be a source of/confirmation of identity for others.
Genderfluid can be used to describe someone whose gender varies or shifts between what is typically masculine or typically feminine. They may sometimes feel more masculine, sometimes more feminine, or sometimes more androgynous.
Genderqueer can be used to describe someone who feels the substance of their gender lies outside the gender binary. Some people are simply genderqueer, while others feel genderqueer is a part of their gender. For example, some people may define themselves as a genderqueer boy, or a female-identifying genderqueer person.
Male-to-Female (MTF, M2F) is a term for women whose bodies were initially assigned male. Many MtF women undergo medical and/or social transition, as the acronym implies.
Masculinity refers to qualities that may be described as manly or typically ascribed to men.
Misgendering is that act of referring to someone as an incorrect gender or using incorrect pronouns. This is extremely disrespectful and when done accidentally, should be humbly apologized for and corrected.
Non-op is short for non-operation. It typically describes transsexual people who do not wish to make surgical alterations to their bodies in regards to their gender/gender presentation.
Outing is the often harmful and potentially dangerous act of disclosing a trans* person’s status as trans*. This should never be done without a trans* person’s permission and you should never pressure a trans* person to out themselves if they do not feel comfortable doing so.
Passing is usually defined as the act of “successfully” presenting a specific gender. For some people passing is important, for some people it is not. Whether a person “passes” or attempts to “pass” is a personal decision and bares no weight on the validity of their gender, nor is it the concern of anyone else.
Post-op is a term to describe a person who has undergone gender reassignment surgery/surgeries.
Pre-op is a term to describe a person who plans to undergo gender reassignment surgery/surgeries
Sex is a term to describe physical characteristics that determine, strictly in a medical sense, if a person is male, female, or intersex. Gender and sex are mutually exclusive and the former carries far more weight than the latter.
Sexual orientation implies toward whom someone’s sexual preferences lie. It is mutually exclusive to gender and one does not necessarily bear weight on the other.
Sexual/Gender Reassignment Surgery is a surgical alteration to one’s body in regards to gender-attributed characteristics. It is typically used to describe vaginoplasty (the creation of a vagina), metoidioplasty and phalloplasty (two ways to create a penis), and mastectomy (removal of the breasts), and various other surgical alterations.
Stealth describes the level to which a transitioned or transitioning person discloses their assigned gender at birth. Some people live in “deep” stealth and are deeply secretive about their previously assigned gender, some to varying degrees, and some are relatively open. It is important to respect a person’s level of stealth and never out them in any sense without their permission.
Trans* is an umbrella term to describe all non-cis identities. The origin of the asterisk at the end is rooted in computers, as when you type an asterisk at the end of a word in a search, you are telling your computer to search the word and anything else that may come after it. It is distinct from trans in that the latter is typically used to describe namely trans men and trans women. Trans* encompasses people who are transgender, transsexual, crossdressers, genderqueer, genderfluid, non-binary, genderfuck, bois, grrls, genderless, agender, non-gendered, third gender, two-spirit, bigender, trans men, trans women, and other non-cis identities. Some people who do fit the above do not feel comfortable identifying as trans*, usually because of personal reasons or experiences.
Trans man means a man who was assigned a female gender at birth.
Trans woman means a woman who was assigned a male gender at birth.
Transgender is another umbrella term that can describe people who feel they do not identify with their assigned gender at birth, as well as people who do identify with their assigned gender at birth, but in a sort of “broader” scope or in a way that is also inclusive of other gender identities, a term usually referred to as gender-variant or genderfluid. However, some people who do relate to the above may not use this term to describe themselves, usually out of personal preference or experience. Note: Transgender is an adjective. Not a verb. Avoid using the word “transgendered”.
Transition is a process by which a person changes their living situation or themselves to how they feel more accurately presents their gender. It can include a variety of things such as clothes, environment, appearance, medical procedures, surgical procedures, etc. Transition means different things to different folks and should be respected however it is practiced.
Transphobia (also referred to as trans-prejudice, transmisogyny and cissexism) is fear, hatred, or prejudice toward trans* people. It is important to remember that transphobia isn’t always an outright malice for trans* people. It is anything that disregards, disrespects or is otherwise exclusive of trans* people. For example, using vaginal imagery as a symbol of female empowerment is transphobic because not all women have a vagina and not all people with a vagina are women.
Transsexuality is when a person is exclusively or near exclusively what people perceive to be “the opposite” of their assigned gender at birth. A trans man being someone who was assigned female and probably socialized and brought up “as” female, but is actually a man, and vice versa for trans women.
Note: There are a handful of established gender identities I did not define as I could not find a clear consensus for their definition. I decided it was best not to impart my personal views on an identity I do not subscribe to, as it may mean many different things to many different people.
Problematic Terminology
Post-Op/Pre-Op - While this is a common term in the trans* community, it is often used to shame trans* people, or demean their gender entirely. The preferred term, especially for cis people to use, is transition.
Hermaphrodite - The preferred term is intersex person. Hermaprodite is a dated word very often used in a derogatory manner.
Transgendered - Transgender is an adjective, not a verb. You can’t go around transgendering people. The correct term is transgender person or transgender people.
Transvestite - More or less completely replaced with crossdresser. Now widely used as a derogatory term, it shouldn’t ever be used by people who don’t directly identify with it.
Never, under any circumstances refer to a trans* person as tranny, he-she, she-male, transvestite, gender bender, it, he/she, trap
Myths
All transsexual people seek surgery.This is simply incorrect. Many transsexual and trans* people are perfectly content with their bodies, or simply do not seek surgery for personal reasons. They are no less trans than someone seeking surgery.
All trans* people see themselves as a third gender.Again, incorrect. Third gender is an identity, but when used in the above context, it implies that two genders are the norm and anything outside is the third, or the other. Similarly, it is disrespectful to people who do feel they fit into the binary. Trans men are simply men. Trans women are simply women. 
All trans men are masculine, all trans women are feminine, all genderqueer people are androgynous.The only thing you need to do to identify as a gender, is identify as that gender. A trans man who likes to wear dresses or make up is no less a man than a trans man or cis man who prefers to dress in a stereotypical masculine way.
You can always tell a trans* person from a cis person.Incorrect. You’ve probably come across plenty of trans* people or fully transitioned people in your life and didn’t realize it.
Being trans* is related to sexual orientation.Incorrect. Just as if someone is a cis man or a cis woman having nothing to do with their sexual preferences, the same can be said for trans* people. Many identify as straight, gay, bi, queer, pan, demi, etc. 
Genderqueer/genderfluid/agender/etc isn’t as “real” as cis men and women and trans men and women. Everyone either leans more one way or the other.Wrong. Trans* people who are not transsexual men or women experience their identities in every bit as real a way as a cissexual or transsexual person. They may experience the same level of dysphoria, dissociation, or discrimination based on their gender as a transsexual person would. Gender is a spectrum, it doesn’t simply swing one way or the other.
Once you come out as a certain gender, that is what you are. If you alter it later, you obviously aren’t serious about it/are just looking for attention/aren’t really trans*.Accepting/discovering ones identity and coming out with ones identity just isn’t that simple for everyone. Some people come out as genderqueer and later come out as specifically transsexual, or vice versa, or any variation of trans* genders. Unfortunately, in a gender-binary society, it doesn’t make it very easy for some people who don’t go simply one way or the other.
All trans* people have the same values, the same politics  the same ideas about gender, and the same lifestyle.Wrong. A trans* person’s gender doesn’t necessarily define them or other aspects of their lives. It is simply their gender. They may be conservative or liberal, they may accept only some gender identities, or all of them. They may embrace trans* cultural practices or they may not. It’s important to realize that gender is simply one small aspect of a person’s identity, not all of it.
All trans* issues affect all trans* people the same way.
Again, lumping trans* people into the same box simply because they are trans* is counterproductive. For example, a trans* person of colour is going to face a lot more discrimination than a white trans* person. Trans women experience very real misogyny with fewer resources provided to them than cis women. Many trans men benefit from male privilege that trans women do not upon transitioning. Trans* people and trans* issues do not exist in a vacuum.
Being trans* is a luxury and relatively new.Nope. Just because you don’t hear about trans* people in oppressive societies does not mean that they aren’t there. Exposure, as we can gauge from our hetero-centric, white washed media, is not equivalent to existence. Furthermore, there are examples and records of non-binary gender people in most cultures around the world, dating back for hundreds, sometimes thousands of years. In fact, many of our stereotypical gender roles are the relatively new concepts.
———
If there is some crucial information I’ve missed here, please feel free to send me an ask and I will add it!
Resources:

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Why does trans equal loser

I find it amusing that so many people equate being trans with being a loser.

How wrong they are. I won.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Discretion in Dating a Trans Woman

I received a comment on the "Liking Trans Women is the Straight Thing to do" post and thought I'd share it as a new post because it is something that we frequently have come up.

"Is being curious about dating/sexual experimentation with a transwoman something you would need a new comer to be open to everyone about? I for one have been curious for a long time, but am curious about the sexual experimentation, not shouting my kinks from the mountain tops. Is it ok to be discrete in the beginning or is it a must to be open about your sexual wants/desire?"

I think there is always a certain amount of discretion that goes in to a new relationship, regardless of gender. We don't broadcast that we have a boyfriend until we are confident we do, we don't tell Mom and Dad until we are sure it is serious, etc. Well, unless you are me and then you do so readily and get your heart broken and everybody asks about how your BF is doing. Thanks HPD!

Discretion is part of the first phase of dating. Transphobia is when you want to be discrete because you don't believe trans women are normal and you wouldn't want to be seen publicly associating with someone you don't think is normal. 

There is a lot of pressure to avoid us. Pressure from a transphobic society. Many people want to abscond to hotel rooms for experimentational sex and then return to their transphobic lives with their transphobic family members none the wiser. 

While I appreciate the pressure you are facing, we face it too. I endure it constantly and yet decided to stand up and be myself about it. Why would I want a partner who isn't doing the same? Some of us might think it is fine. I imagine that is what escorts are referring to when they say they are great for beginners. I have just come to the conclusion that I am not great for beginners. I don't have any malice towards you, but when I'm looking for a boyfriend, I need one who is comfortable having everyone know he is my boyfriend.



Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Liking trans women is the straight thing to do

I recently received a comment on an old blog post about trans porn outpacing cis porn:

"If your husband is into trans-porn, it makes you feel physically ill and unloved and unwanted. When the husband comes to have sex with his wife, he is virtually impotent from stroking himself in a death grip to trans-porn. I don't see how this can be a thing we celebrate. So-called "straight" men who want to use up all their sex drives on people with cocks should have a different terminology; they are not straight. A man should NOT marry and, after 22 years, accidentally let his wife find out that he is attracted to "something else" more than to her. It is just like cutting off a wife's sex parts and stabbing her in the heart, ruining her life forever"

I am not okay with putting straight in quotes to describe cis hetero-normative males who are attracted to trans women. This woman, despite her trials, is a bigot plain and simple. 

There are lots of definitions about what infidelity entails. I don't believe porn qualifies as cheating, but perhaps you do. Cheating or not. I think it is pretty obvious that neither partner in that relationship is happy. What are you doing in a relationship that makes you feel bad about yourself? He desires another woman, she desires a man who is a bigot. This attempt at putting the blame on trans women is absurd. 

Stuff like this happens all the time because of bigots like this woman. Most of society is a giant bigot hive, wagging fingers and thumping bibles at anyone who doesn't fit their narrow definition of how to be. I can count on one hand the number of sexual partners. men and women. who have been comfortable with their friends, loved ones. or even strangers being seen in public with me. ONE HAND.

If society was not being so completely homo and transphobic that guy would never have married this bigot woman in the first place! He would have been free to pursue his desires and find a partner that suits his needs. I would like to say it is getting better but I don't date teenagers and that is where it is getting better. I still can't find guys who want to date me, only guys who want to fuck me in their apartment or in a hotel. Women are just the same.

Cis people need to get over themselves. Nobody wants to be hooked up with someone who doesn't have the confidence to publicly declare their interest in trans women. 

If you are looking to make real connections with trans women and not just fetishize us or hide us in your hotel rooms so your neighbours don't have to see you bring us home, check out Plenty of TS through the banners on my blog and tumblr and the link below. 




TRANSGENDER DATING

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Nails Did!

Been in a real funk for awhile. Sleeping like 20 hours a day on the weekends, 14 hours a night on weeknights. Super lazy.

Always nice to get my nails did! Good way to cheer up?


Saturday, August 17, 2013

Frustrations with Fetlife

"What do you expect, this is the internet."

That phrase gets tossed around a lot to justify the abhorrent behaviour of people in arguments. I guess we just come to accept that people seem to default to being horrible human beings when they get in front of a keyboard, but, really, no. No. Not even. Fuck that.

Fuck a generation of people who forget they are people sitting at a desk making comments to other people sitting at their desks. How many of us have been in positions where we disagree with something, decide to point it out, and then are voraciously attacked by someone else. Yay forums, right?

There are some feelings that we are likely all familiar with. Tightness in chest, shortness of breathe. Feelings of helplessness and stress. These feelings are amplified when the other person decides to block you, or worse still, when the people attacking you are mods.

I've been making an effort lately to avoid internet drama posts. I'd honestly rather focus on happy things and the positive moves I'm making in my transition, the sex I'm having, et al. This is just going to be a little cathartic, so please indulge me.

Ask a Trans Person a Question. A Fetlife group that already existed under a different name. A group that wasn't needed but hey double the questions double the answers, so who cares, right? I've been doing this transition thing for awhile and I like to participate in the topics pretty frequently. Sometimes a few people can scrape on my nerves but for the most part its all fine.

The other day I ended up in an argument with the mods, though, and I found myself being treated very unfairly. 

I'll link the thread I created to sum it up here: https://fetlife.com/groups/3573/group_posts/4274169.

I'll be honest, at this point I'm just venting. I really dislike that they feel its alright to make unfounded accusations against me without giving any proof, including suggesting that people are secretly whispering to the mods over my personality. Honestly, what the fuck is that even about? What a horrible thing for me to believe, thinking people are so disturbed by me that they have to run to the cops. Why would you spread something like that to the group without giving any indication at all of what they complained about? I own my shit, but show me the sentences I wrote that caused such heart ache for people in a group where people share about hormones.

If you read the thread, you'll notice that I'm calmly explaining my position on the subject, and others are agreeing, but every instance of someone who doesn't agree includes personal attacks against my character or in some other way devalues me in an effort to end the discussion.

A few cases of this are boiling down everything I am as an attention seeking drama queen. That's really the softest method because the mods themselves attacked my personality, made wild accusations and assertions and once again closed the thread so the last words read were defamation of my character.

That's how the mods in that group work. They are alluding to people speaking to the mods about me, but I have never heard that and they won't cite any example at all of that happening. They reference conversations in PM that didn't occur anything like they describe, suggest I misgendered people without pointing it out, and suggest that I was being all manner of rude to them. None of which is supported by anything I had written on the subject. Basically, she's a witch but we aren't going to prove it. How republican.

So I really hope it makes people wonder, if I'm being calm and they are throwing mud... who is telling the truth?

I'm sure it all reads as a completely normal day for the internet. Even still, this isn't a faceless internet blob, these are specific and shitty people sitting in their chairs trying to make another girl sitting in her chair cry.

UPDATE: Mod refused to provide any proof at all and said many people had been pleading for them to ban me and Mod was defending me. Completely insane. I've been banned for no cause since they provided no proof of their allegations. Oh well, fuck them. Just a creepy bizarro version of reality.

Monday, August 12, 2013

CAM-H another hoop

Thursday morning I met with my Doctor about CAM-H's letter to me. I had thought this was the big bad wolf of approval/denials but it turns out it is just another pit stop on the road to pussy palace.

Essentially, I've not been denied; I've been approved the change to have an approval. @_@ Dizzying, isn't it?

In a few *months* I'll be meeting with the head Doctor face at the CAM-H gender place and she will approve or deny me, I guess. I'm not sure what the committee, which ostensibly would have included her was doing if not approving me, but whatevs.

This is good news! Don't get me wrong. I look forward to meeting her because I hear she's aces.

I figured this might be a good time to sort of revisit the CAM-H steps that brought me here, and the projected one ahead.

1. My initial referral to CAM-H. Long wait to get the date, then a few hours of being interviewed by psychiatrists, psychologists, et al. That happened for me as an awkward first step by my then family Doctor, in 2009.

2. In February 2013 my current family Doctor said I'm a likely candidate for SRS. April 2013 I was at CAM-H for a follow up with a delightful intern related loosely to the Twilight franchise.

3. A CAM-H committee reviewed my case in June 2013 to decide if this bitch deserves a pussy yo!

4. The culmination of a committee meeting to discuss my pussy was: sure, maybe, but let's have you meet us again anyways.

5. In a few months I'll be meeting with the head of the GIP at CAM-H about dat pussy!

I hope this is useful somehow. Do you guys enjoy hearing about my life and transition, or do you just want me to suck some cock?

Friday, August 9, 2013

Affordable Laser Hair Removal for Trans Women


A big hurdle for trans women is hair removal. There is often a lot to be removed, and not a lot of money to put towards removing it. Being employed full-time makes me an exception, certainly not the rule. There are too many of my sisters on social assistance, under employed, or working in unsafe conditions/jobs in order to make ends meet. Access to hormones, to the money you need to change your ID, and to makeup and hair removal is not something society respects as necessary because society doesn't respect us.

I've found a laser technician who has become a friend. Rose has started her own laser practice out of her home in Mississauga. She was previously sharing space with a salon but honestly her home is amaaazing and a nicer laser place than I've been in before.

What really matters are her prices, and her kindness. For trans women looking for affordable laser hair removal with an ally, visit Chateau Rose

The website is up new but up so go get you laser on and let her know I sent you!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

CAM-H pussy installation approval letter

My Doctor's office called me this evening. I have an appointment tomorrow at 9:30am regarding the letter they received from CAM-H. They... wouldn't tell me what it says. I'm either approved or denied for SRS.

I totally won't be able to get to sleep tonight. @_@

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

New Tattoo

I had some trouble with US airport security when I was returning from Texas. It wasn't anything super dramatic, just being put through the body scanners over and over and over.

Flattering, really, considering they had no clue what was going on. The bodyscan result had little yellow squares highlighting my breasts an my princess, and the security were scratching their heads.

Finally I said, "I can explain this," and gave a knowing glance to the black girl working the device. She turned to a smile and told me to step through the device once again. Upon exiting, she tapped the screen and it showed a big green checkmark, then went blank. "Go right ahead!" she chimed with a big grin. Yay for that TSA girl in NYC! Austin was a pat down, questions, feeling my head up, checking my bags, and going through body scan over and over. Less win there.

So I felt overwhelmed when I got back to Toronto, and needed a bit of catharsis. Nothing says closure like a tattoo. I showed up at Distinktive Tattoos on College street in Toronto and they didn't quite know what to make of me. Eds hooked me up with the fabulous ray gun you see below. He was so excited to get to do some retro pulp fiction style art. I was his first ray gun.

During the tattoo, 3 useless white girls were staring at me the whole time during their meaningless dribble tattoos. Super annoying, but my tattoo turned out great. 3 hours in the chair, and I have to say, this hurt a lot more than the stars on my foot. I am thinking of having a trail of stars go from my shoulder down my body and leg to connect to those on my foot. What do you think?


Friday, August 2, 2013

Random expression not random sex


I was approached by a Jamaican woman, who wanted me to be a live in pet for she and her husband. In that case, the husband turned out to be pathetically insecure, and decided a boring ass cisgirl would be preferred. I would so love that. I mean, YOLO, right? Especially if we film it!

I mean sex, for me, is expression. I want to do it with EVERYBODY.

Almost everybody. I don't really want random sex with random people. Strange, right?

Well, what I mean is I want to make connections. A couple who owns me, a friendship of years that gets upgraded benefits, a coworker who fucks me for mutual porn purpose, a man who makes me feel like a girlfriend, or a whore earning towards rent.

Am I weird and disconnected that my interest in sex is proportional to what's in it for me?


Thursday, August 1, 2013

Bigotry Online and Internationally

So it was suggested I should go to iloveinterracial.com for some webcam fun. For a few hours, it was fun.

Then this guy, Swaggerific (Who doesn't have the courage to post a profile pic) comes on and immediately sets in about disclosing that I'm trans, endlessly. I mean endlessly. There was not one sentence he said that wasn't choc-full of bigot.


He'd go on with shit like, "I have trans friends, but you have to be honest with people." "Ur a man not a lady." and of course "I'm not a bigot but you have to tell people."

1. You are a shitty friend to trans people if you think its not honest to be the gender you are meant to be, the one on you live every day, and the one on your birth certificate.
2. This is a black man on an interracial site. He has learned fucking NOTHING from the historical oppression of minority groups. NOTHING.

As he became more insistent, the fat white chicks on the site, Angel420 and *B* (who didn't have the courage to put their webcams on and take their clothes off) began to set in with "He should call his profile TRANNY or something" "Lol UR a man" and so on so forth.




I'm not really all that into interracial stuff anymore but a yahoo friend recommended it as another place to to have fun on webcam. Obviously that is not true. ILoveInterracial.com is nothing but a bigot hive.

So yeah, that horrible website aside, there seem to be an increasing number of shitty people in the world. I feel like as we become more exposed and prevalent in the media, for positive reasons, the backlash internationally is becoming increasingly terrifying.



The UK has decided that if we do not disclose we are criminals. So what if someone rapes us? I foresee us going to jail for being raped. Watch it happen.



Greece is basically Nazi Germany, rounding up any undesirables and putting us into concentration camps. I don't see a world war to save them.





Russia. I'm not even sure what else needs to be said except the word. They are doing terrible things over there, and we really, really need to boycott the Olympics. Seriously.


So while being mobbed with transphobia on a chat site where uneducated black men try to put their penises into insecure fat white girls may not seem like a big deal, it is proof that this isn't a government thing, this is people.

People who have completely and utterly failed to learn anything from Martin Luther King Jr. or any other voice of civil or equal rights. People who chat on websites. People who eat Pringles and get high. People who have jobs and kids and go to the movies.

It makes me afraid for my daughter when people like them are alive in the world with her.

I fully expect more death threats. This is becoming normal.






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