Monday, June 17, 2013

Changes New and Old

Lots of changes! I reconciled with an old friend. We ended up having sex in my car and almost got caught by a police! haha.

CAM-H called me to let me know my case will be reviewed by commitee THIS WEEK. It shouldn't be long before I'm approved/denied for SRS funding.

I decided to change things up with a new hair colour.

mei is a redhead

Monday, June 10, 2013

The importance of pronouns

Part of transitioning is patiently enduring the world around you fumbling between he and she. It takes time for people to form the habit of referring to me as a woman instead of as a male. The important thing is that people try, and correct themselves when they get it wrong. Soon, memory of the old fades, and nothing remains but she she she.

Well, that's the plan at least. It doesn't always work out that way. I went to a Tim Horton's last night and despite showing a ridiculous amount of cleavage, having long hair, and looking as I do, the young man at the counter decided to say "Here is your coffee *sir*". He decided to be a bigot. 

This is when pronouns become a weapon for transphobia and bigotry. The individual obviously clocked me as transsexual, decided he didn't believe transsexuals were who they say they are, and opted to out me by specifically going against that all signs pointed to me being a woman. He made that choice and he is a shitty person for it.

We internalize this sometimes. I read a conversation on Fetlife about this subject. If you've got an account, check it out here:

There was a lot of fucked up behaviour just in the original post, sure, but the point is that several transwomen decided to mock another, who didn't pass as well. I'm pretty sure misgendering is the punchline of that mockery.

So we do it to ourselves, yeah. It sucks. What I find more upsetting is when self-proclaimed allies do it to us. Why? Because allies are, generally, cisgender. When a cisgender person decides to take up trans* causes, there is an expectation that they won't partake in transphobia, at least not any more often than we ourselves do. 

Enter everythingbutharleyquinn. Here's her tumblr: but the "creepers" are protected from following it.

I was pointed towards a tumblr post with this little privilege princess. She was blasting a genderqueer individual with all her righteous trans-ally authority. That's ridiculous enough, no cisgender person should open their mouths and lecture a differently gendered person about gender issues. It gets worse.

Everythingbutharleyquinn, or ebhq for short maybe, purposely misgendered the genderqueer individual, referring to them as dudebro. The intention was to harm. This is a self-proclaimed ally, misgendering someone she purports to support!

So I replied. 

In addition to being a transphobic bigot, everythingbutharleyquinn is also a coward. Instead of addressing me directly, she reblogged a response on her own blog, which I cannot see. Only when a friend pointed me towards a tumblr response defending me did I receive the insult she intended for me in the first place. 

She misgendered me.

She purposely referred to me as they in an attempt to convince others that I was a man who was oppressing her. 

I'm not exactly known for social justice, and I'm hardly enough of a smartypants to use the Brainiac equivalent of purple prose to endlessly debate the theories of social justice. All I can do is continue living the reality of it.

Since I'm not going to win any debates about why some cowardly white cisgirl living in Austrlia of all racist places shouldn't be bullying trans* people, I will instead use the attention being a fuck slut gives me to get everythingbutharleyquinn more attention than her pathetic little social justice circle is used to seeing. 

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Trans Parenting

I was invited to participate in a trans* woman parenting focus group this morning. It was a collection of women who had children either before, or after transition. I was really moved to hear everyone's story. We found ourselves nodding our heads a lot.

We unanimously agreed that Mother's and Father's days are tough times. Last year for Father's day, my daughter made a pencil holder for me. The preschool had given them all sorts of sports themed stickers to put on it. She was so happy to present it to me. She loves me with all her heart. She hadn't chosen sports and masculine themed stickers for me, the preschool made that decision for her. Schools everywhere are making gender biased choices for children, effectively indoctrinating children about the gender binary. Girls wear pink, boys wear blue. Daddy likes sports, and Mommy likes flowers. There really is no middle ground.

The focus group's aim is to compile information about our experiences and provide it to schools so they can update their brains and make better choices on how to address trans* in the classroom and how to properly support children and parents in trans* diverse families. I'm really glad I got to participate.

I'm going to write a letter to my daughter's school. It will be too late to make a difference for this year's Father's day, but they need to realize that parents do not care, at all, which stickers are on their pencil holder. The thing isn't going to match *any* decor in your office or home. We love it unconditionally because it comes from our children, whose love for us is unconditional as well. So put sports stickers on Mommy's ash tray, she won't mind. It's done with love!

I'm not comfortable posting a picture of my daughter on a sex blog, so I'll post a picture I found online. I'd very, very much like to have this picture modified to be an old pulp sci fi style ray gun. I love the hilt and I love the stars, just the middle needs to update. Why is this relevant to my daughter? Because she is my laser ray (a play on her name) and I am going to tattoo the end result on my right shoulder blade, in her honour. It would be all the more special if I were tattooing something drawn by lovely you.

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