Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Child Custody

As I promised, I have more troublesome news to share. Honestly being so overwhelmed emotionally has been helpful in mitigating my sadness regarding not being with the never-was bf. Okay.. maybe it would have been good to have some support during this, but the support I get is largely online, why mess with success...

Baby mama found a place to live. She moves out November 1st, taking our daughter with her. Sure, that's good, now I can invite people over for sex... but she was immediately against sharing custody.

I had come up with a 50/50 custody plan that I put a lot of thought and care into unveiling to her. She replied by waking me up from my sleep begging and grovelling, whining and sobbing at my bed pleading with me not to do this that it isn't fair that she has sacrificed so much. She basically took my lines.

I haven't abandoned her. I have never run never left. I put my life on hold so she could get her permanent residence, get an education, and find a job and a place to live. Now I'm somehow ruining her life by wanting to be a part of my daughter's.

Her solution was that I would see her by picking her up from daycare after work, briefly each night, and she said I could have all weekends. I countered that it isn't reasonable, what if her friends wanted to go to the beach (as they do often). She replied that of course she would take her that weekend. Ah.. it becomes clear.

The next morning she angrily said she was getting a lawyer and that I would not be allowed to see her more than every other weekend, outside of picking her up from daycare (something baby mama isn't in a position to do herself).

By the weekend baby mama had found another day care for our daughter, nearby her work so surprise! I was no longer required to pick her up after day care. Now I wasn't going to see my daughter except for every other weekend.

I'm not sure if I've shared this, but I come from a broken home myself. My parents divorced when I was eight, and Daddy was given every other weekend. I have first hand felt this experience and I am feeling overwhelmingly triggered by this. This kind of custody degrades one parent to being a visitor in the child's life, someone who has essentially no responsibility or impact on their children and who, eventually, becomes a nuisance who is in the way of her daughter's plans to sleep over at her BFFs house. On the flip side, feeling so removed from importance makes it difficult to set aside important events because that kid that you sometimes hang out with needs to come over.

I do not want this for my daughter and I.

I've offered alternatives of one week and every other weekend and even thurs/fri weekly and every other weekend but I'm up against an insane wall. I want to get a mediator but because she doesn't know what that is. she assumes it is some evil trick. Her response is to lawyer up.

So how was your weekend?


  1. Sounds like you had a hell of a week. I wish I lived in the same province as you so I could drive to your place, give you a hug and take you out for some coffee. It doesn't sound like she is being very fair to you as you have been very reasonable. I wish I had more advice but know you are loved hun!

  2. Oh dear bubble you do sound like you are having a tough time and i do feel for you. People can be irrational/vengeful in separations and it sounds like you are being more than fair. I hope it doesn't come to lawyers but if it does i hope that an amicable and equitable arrangement can be made so your daughter still gets to enjoy and spend time with both parents. Hope things get better for you.



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